Daily random thoughts

=)

2010-01-31T12:30:00.002+08:00

your word shall be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. (:

it gives me comfort in times of restlessness, stress and uncertainty.

and it reminds me that you are GOOD, despite the circumstances.
and that even if i can't see the whole picture, i know you're painting on a canvas bigger than i could ever see or understand.

=)

(:

2010-01-11T15:26:00.002+08:00

it made my heart leap. even if it was JUST an interview, and not confirmingly the apprenticeship.

but you just had to crush it. =(

you just had to tear it to pieces.
you just had to...push me back to that thing. that chore.

i don't need you to agree with me, i just need you to listen and try to underderstand.

You don't have to say anything, you just need to let me choose.
not condemn me to that thing. haha, yes, thing! which i happen to be studying.

i would not have quit my degree.
i know my priorities alright.

It just hurt bcos it felt as if u don't care what i want.
you don't care about what i'm passionate about.
what drives me. what puts a smile on my face.

and the tears just fell the whole day. ='(
becos i know you'll never support my dream.
you'll never let me pursue that...

and that was when. i was grateful. thankful. that i was never smart enough to be a doctor.
it's not that i dislike being a doctor... i just don't want to be "force" to do something just because i am capable of doing it.

i'm thankful i never excelled in physics.

and maybe then i wonder would it be different if i had just failed all my courses.
then... hmm, maybe then,
you would let me pursue that line which i wish to go.

and it did made me think of intentionally failing my 4 courses now.. so that i would never graduate with a bachelor of commerce.
Hah!

don't worry, i'm not that desperate. that insane... if you would like to call it.

i just wish. just wish you could... i don't know. give me a choice.

i can see where you're coming from. and i understand.
but it hurts that i don't have your support.

that it does not matter what i feel. what i think.
it's "fated". by you.

=(

yes, the truth is i am dissappointed.
that you would not even care to listen.
that i was that happy, but after sharing my joy with you,
that happiness, short-lived, was turn to tears of despair.

i know u love me. i love you too.
but if you wanted to know how much that crushed me,
well. it just crushed me. =(

HIM.

2010-01-08T22:07:00.003+08:00

i love you bcos you make me want HIM more.

indirectly. unknowingly.

maybe u're in my life to show me that no one else will satisfy but HIM.
that in the end, nothing else matters but HIM.

"Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made" - John 1:3

****

As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs for you. ~Psalms 43 ~
Just you! (: not him, her or anyone else....

where la?

2010-01-06T19:40:00.001+08:00

everyday i ask myself... where are you?????? =(

yes.. people always told me it's hard.. hahahha, YES!! i attest! IT IS HARD!! =p

The flood.

2010-01-03T21:29:00.003+08:00

could it be that maybe... just maybe...

i'm losing my appetite, feeling emo-yish.., sad,...

cos of you??????

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo...
hmm, never really thought about it, but yea.. maybe... maybe it's you.
maybe i just want to run away and never have to see you.
bcos you remind me of so many things.
so many things i thought i've forgotten...

and then i see you.
and all those memories just come flooding in. =(

why in the world am i blaming you?
aaaaaaahhh.. sorrrrrrriiiieeeeeee... oops, didn't mean to be pushing the blame on you or anything.
i know there're all just history. hahaha.

so there. i just got to deal with facing you and be fine with it! =D

The past haunts! hahahahaha. ok, yes yes. i'm plain scared la. dunno scared of what also. hahaha. weird elizabeth. The LORD is my shepherd, i shall not be in want. haha, i shall not be afraid, for YOU are with me! (:

***

"God took Noah into the flood - and He also brought him out of it.
Similarly, He has not brought you to this point in your life to abandon you.
Whatever the problems you face at this moment - God will bring you through. "

AMEN! (:

stresss

2010-01-02T17:49:00.003+08:00

ahhhh!!! so many things to do. it's kinda overwhelming.

and realized that i still have things undone in malaysia...

argh!!
i can't find my SAM results!!! this is soooooooooooo bad!!
God, please please please help me find it.
Dad's gonna kill me otherwise.
then he'll get stress.
then he'll give up on applying for PR.
hahaha, then, i dunno...
things will get even more complicated.

ahhhhh.... this is too much. hahaha, i want to fly back to malaysia... =D

***

satan appeals to the:
1) lust of the flesh
2) lust of the eyes
3) pride of life

Stand guard, with the shield of faith, standing firm on his word of truth, promises that WILL come to past.
Lord, lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one....

Blessed 2010!

2010-01-01T17:32:00.003+08:00

It's a new year!

Hmmm.. this year... has been different. maybe bcos usually (as the past 3 years or so), new year's eve has always been celebrated in church.

Hearing the many testimonies of God's abundance, sharing my testimony of God's goodness as well and being mutually encourage by one another.
There was always reflection on the year.. hahaha, how else would you be able to go out and share?

but this year? hahaha, new year was back in canberra.
seeing fireworks from my room. haha, not much of a physical company, just had myself.
but I always have the spirit of God, and that's a comfort. (:

and yea, haha, a call from mr. Fan at around midnight to countdown with me. haha, thanks dear. (:
and a super sweet message from my dad. haha. ^^
plus.... of cos sms-es from my beloved kekasih and cucu.
and friends! hee.

oklah, see.. after i reflect, new year wasn't that bad after all! (:
And so, i'm excited to see what God has install for the year ahead!

****

If we're the image bearers of God, how much of God's image is reflected in me?....

retribution

2009-12-15T22:59:00.001+08:00

=(

hahha, now i'm waiting for you to appear but you've dissappear
so this is how it feels.. =(

i miss you a whole lot deal. ahhhhh, fly me away... =D

EMPAT bulan?

2009-11-20T20:03:00.000+08:00

haha, happy 4th month getting together crab! (:

i'm utterly seriously gonna miss you. heeee.

study

2009-11-09T18:15:00.001+08:00

3 more to go.

yes. please do it!! arhhhhhh!! persevere!

3 more papers.

don't think.

just concentrade on studies 1st.

God's in control, He is sovereign.

Only His opinion matters and no one else.

so why should what you say bother me?

thank you crab! (:

miss youuuuu

2009-10-31T13:28:00.000+08:00

hahahaha, i MISS you!!!

mengeramkan.. =.="
so so soooooo tempted to go and find youuuuuu.

=(

the dream.

2009-09-17T16:54:00.003+08:00

i know... i've gotta get used to talking to you. to sharing about how i feel.
argh! silly elizabeth.. finds it so hard just to open your big mouth..as if got gold inside..

so let me tell you what happened.

last night, my roomie suddenly popped the most random question as she was about to sleep. She asked me, "what do you like about mr.bf ?" okay.. actually it's not the most random question.. but quite random at that moment.. =p

and hmm, so we had a short girly talk.
I don't think i answered her question though......... hahahaha, it just made me thought a lot...
I guess i ended up telling her what i felt..

and the last thing i said to her before she dozed off on me?
"i think i'm a bad girlfriend......"

* * *

the dream?

short, sweet version? OR complicated, long version?

haha, okay. i'll try to be short, but it might most probably end up long... =(
I dreamt that mr. bf wanted to break up with me. But he didn't tell me directly, i found out through a friend. (In the dream), he didn't know how to tell me face-to-face, and so just dissappeared...

[ironically though, it seems more like what i would do rather than him.. =p.. running away...]

maybe what was scary, frightening, traumatizing, mentally draining, shocking, nerve-wrecking, upsetting..... etc etc. about this dream was.......... it felt very real.. at least to me...

i think i was just shock and numb in the dream.. like i think what i felt was like... why couldn't he tell me.... =(..... and maybe if i'm honest with myself, felt cheated? haha, okay, that's too strong a word.. =p

but i woke up with tears in my eyes? silly girl. argh!

anyway, i had another dream, it felt so real as well!!! eeee..
yah, dreamt that i told mr. bf about the dream...

and then woke up, realizing i was dreaming... but yet everything remained so fresh...i guess the emotions felt so real.

i hate having dreams like this... it's just draining. tiring. disturbing.

like i'd have dreams that i'm so so soooo angry at my parents that i would be shouting at them and i would wake up crying and angry!

but then i'd just turn confused, because when i thought about my parents, i wasn't angry at them at all,.... i mean.. like i couldn't understand what i felt such strong angry emotions towards them in the dream...

then i'd turn afraid and think that maybe i'm unconsciously angry at them.... and i'm just surpressing it... and scared that i might just burst out in reality at them one day.

about the mr. bf dream?

i don't know.
it's disturbing maybe because even though i always try to mentally prepare myself for the worse, telling myself i'd be alright whatever happens, maybe in reality, i won't really know how to handle it..

or maybe, it's.... being so paranoid of people suddenly doing unexpected things that unpredictability just really scares me..and i just expect the worst.

or it could be cos i'm just so confused.

argh.

my friend told me i was crazy when i told her about the dream.. and she said i shouldn't be thinking such nutty thoughts and that it just shows how much i love him. Yes, haha, i guess it definitely made me realize how much he means to me and yes, i do most definitely love him. although i know sometimes i just won't admit it because i think i'm protecting myself.
and yes, my roomie has told me that i'm being selfish by doing so.

i don't know. maybe the dream is so traumatizing, because in the dream, i thought to myself, "i should have known this would happen and should have never gotten into it the 1st place..."

so maybe i'm scared, because sometimes the outcomes in dreams come out teribly. bad. and more often that not, you can't control what you say, do... or what happens. just like me being angry and shouting at my parents.

but in reality, we have free-will? and we have a conscious choice for every actions we make and the ability to control our emotions to a certain extent.

hmmm. maybe blogging this out actually made me realize why the dream was so bad i nearly went insane. hahaha, i think i was close to just going crazy. laughing and crying at lecture until people around were looking.. so embarassing.. haha, but i think at that time i didn't care...
just felt.. overwhelmed thinking about it.

yes, and that's why i need God. because i'm a totally messed-up person.
imperfect in every possible way, with flaws written all over.
and maybe it will always amaze me that God still loves us, and that He will send His son to die so that we can be justified.

and maybe that's the beauty to Christianity to me,
because i know i will always fail,
i know i will always dissappoint myself and others and God, even though i can try the best as i can,
i know i don't always have the right answer and do not always know what i'm doing,
the beauty is that it's not about me.... but it's about Jesus.
and He is indeed perfect in every possible way.

and that's probably what keeps me sane despite all the weird, confusing, complicated things that happen in my life, be it in reality or in dreams...

He's my rock, my fortress, my stronghold, my salvation, my hope.
ya, that even if i go insane, even if i go blind, even if everyone hates me for whatever reason, even if everyone i love leaves me,
I know He won't.
I know He will still be there standing with arms open wide.

because?
because even though i rejected him, denied him, throwed stones at him, spat at his face, ... he still lovingly died on the cross on my behalf..

what more could i ever ask for?
and ya, the will of God will not lead you where the grace of God will not keep you. (:

yes, i should stop thinking about the dream.
maybe i utterly HATE thinking about it becoming real.. but yes, EVEN IF, it happens,
I know God will be there. (:

Emo nemo.

2009-08-04T07:28:00.002+08:00

heee.

yes, he's more than i ever dreamt of. yet makes me think too much.
so many things going on.
i feel so inadequate.
i hate being a dissapointment.
i hate letting you down.

anyway.. i LOVE my roomie! haha. =D
and being in a relationship is so much more complicated than i imagined.. or maybe it's just me.
haha, think too much.

STOP THINKING!!!

anyway.. i have a tute soon... with a quiz.. which i have no idea how to do..

and lately, i've been waken up at weird hours in the wee morning!! hahahhahaa.
i miss my sleep!!! =p

okay, as you can probably see, i lack sleep and thus can't really think properly, which explains for all this babbling.

haha, i reckon i should update my blog more often!
too much has been happening! haha.
bible study tonight on Daniel! (:

new house!!

2009-07-22T07:58:00.002+08:00

i've shift house! =D

with my new roomie! Jess!

hahaha, i very lazy to blog d! too much been happening! LOL. but it's been good.
Sem 2 started this week!
Only working once a week.. not sure whether should find another job.
it's gonna be a busy year left!
Unilodge bible study had our social event yesterday.
CIF is having Christmas in July this sun! come!!! =p

(: i've got you now! haha.

brain bursting!

2009-06-16T13:12:00.002+08:00

haha, i'm sleep deprived!

i can't wait for my last paper on thursday!

i wish i didn't have to dream about you..

u lied to me... =(

last year is last year, i've gotta forget about it.

and then you,

you confuse me.

ah! my brain hurts!

too freee. =D

2009-06-13T22:15:00.002+08:00

Be honest, who texted you last?
Jessica

Name something great that happened today?
Law exam is over!!! =p haha

Has anyone told you they missed you lately?
Erm, yea.. friends! (:

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing right now?
Perth!

What's your middle name?
Lim

What's the last song you listened to?
In Christ Alone - Brian Littrell... awesome awesome song!! =p

Where could I have found you last Saturday?
can't remember... hehe, bad memory.

What brand of digital camera do you own?
Kodak?

Was yesterday better than today?
Yesterday was history , today is good , tomorrow is a mystery .

Do you think long distance relationships work out?
If you're willing to work it out and put in effort & commitment. (:

Do you wear makeup everyday?
haha, no..

Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
Yeap! ^^

Do you have any siblings?
yea, 2 brothers!

What are you doing right now?
Answering this question. .. haha, stoning.

Who was the first person you talked to today?
My housemate - Andrew

Did you talk to anyone before you went to bed last night?
Erm.... don't think so.

Are you waiting for something?
... haha, not sure.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
hmm... haha, haven't been that angry yet?

Is there anyone that hates you right now?
maybe... =(

Do you like being around a large group of friends, or two best friends?
I think i'd prefer 2 best friends... haha, don't really like big big groups.

How did you feel when you woke up today?
Law exam soonnnnn!!! wake up wake up!

Are you the shortest of all your friends?
Hahaha , probably one of the shortest.. =b

What does your hair look like?
weird! haha, kinda just woke up from a nap

Do you care about what people think?
yeap. i used to care A LOT. probably much less now. haha.

What would you do if the door bell rang and it was Lil Wayne?
who's that?? =.="

Do you consider yourself spoiled?
Haha, in certain areas... sometimes.

Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
nopez... haha, i've gotten a parking ticket though..

What time did you go to bed last night, why?
Around 3 am?... supposely trying to studying for my law exam... couldn't sleep.

Are you a jealous person?
Sometimes, haha, learning to be content. (: Philippians!

What was the last thing you ate and where?
Chocolates! =D in my room.

Do you take pills daily?
Nope.

Wearing any bracelets?
No.

What were you doing at 8am this morning?
Getting ready to go uni for law exam!! hahaha.

What's the last compliment you received?
'You're got a nice skin'

Have you seen HSM3 yet?
hehe, ape itu? sorry, pretty outdated on movies/shows...

Who are you closest to in your family?
parents?.... erm... can't decide whether mum or dad.. haha, maybe my dad.

Do you say sexy a lot?
erm.. don't think so. haha, i say 'heng' a lot..

What color are your socks?
in all sorts of colours.. =D

Are you a bad influence?
hahaha, in a certain way, yes.

Who last called you?
My dad. (:

What's your ring tone?
Jay Chou song! =p

What were you doing at 12am last night?
Walking home from Ivan & Erica's house.. haha

Last time you smiled because you got a text?
Thursday morning. (:

Do you straighten your hair everyday?
Nopez.

Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
haha, ya...

Are you over 18 or under?
Over 18!

Your plans for this weekend?
study for finance and accounting exam in less than 5 days time!! haha, tak jadi!

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
yeap! Jaclyn!

What time is it?
12.35AM

Do you miss anyone?
YES, A lot of people! =(

* * * *

hee, exams in progress.

surprise!!! (:

2009-06-03T00:59:00.000+08:00

i'm old!!!

erm... update later la..

woah.

2009-05-30T18:56:00.002+08:00

the world is changing! people evolving! time moving! keyboard spoiling!!

=D hahahaha, that was totally random. =p

Anywho. exams are approaching!
and it's so true that time really flies!

and as you grow older, more issues in life seems to keep popping up!

and maybe i'm getting paranoid by the day.
It's all too confusing, this world.

i think i confused myself sometimes.. if not all the time.
People have conflicting opinions,... and then... war!!!

On a happier note,
I like sleepovers tooooo!!! (:

though i really appreciate & enjoy time in solitude as well. ^^

I'm really thankful to God for friends. and everything else too!

for now, i just don't wanna think about all of people's expectations and all...
it's just too overwhelming.

one day at a time. a lot to learn.
for now, i need to learn to concentrade!!! =p
and stop whomping down tons and tons of food just bcos it's winter...

bad!! gluttony is bad.... =(

hahaha, and it doesn't help that i suddenly found a new way of releasing stress... =D
baking cookies!!!!! this time it's super crunchy!!! haha.

okay. concentrade! focus focus!!

ECON2101

2009-05-26T21:10:00.002+08:00

microeconomics 2 doesn't like me....

keep failing me!! even though it's the subject that i like the most & put most effort in... still fail. =(

aiyo. somemore elective subject... hahaha, dunno why i choose it.
but it's fun.. and i like it... it's interesting....

haha, the only not nice thing is getting back the results each time! =(

oh wellx.

can't wait for hols!!!!!!!!!!!! wish i could balik malaysia.....!! heee!!!

=(

2009-05-19T20:32:00.002+08:00

feel sad for no apparent reason... =(

i guess when there's up, there is down.
or maybe its just that time of the month. haha.

either way, i hate this feeling. makes me feel so restless..

Today bible study we had trivia night! hahaha, that one also can be stress. =p
nola, was fun. Girls won!!! yay!!! (:

Learn lots.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
and... whatever is true, whatever is pure, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, think about such things....
To be content in Christ.. to live is Christ, to die is gain.

i want to cry!!! can release stress... but seems like no more tears to cry. =(
so, i'm stuck with this irritating feeling which i can't even explain.

okay, heee... should able what is learn. Think about happy thoughts! and be content!
yea.. in the good times, Praise God. and even if everything is going wrong, God is still to be praised!

Econs test today so hard! my brain was blank! i stared at my paper for 10 mins!!! and in the end no time...

oh! and i cut my hair yesterday cos too stress... hahaha, i tend to do that.
but it's so ugly!!! and short!! and square!!! and un-even!!!! =(

i want a wig. aiya. heee... must be content.
only one way to deal with that, haha, when i don't look in the mirror, not so bad, then i dunno how i look like, don't have to keep reminding myself that i look funny!

hahahahaha, even though some of my friends keep telling me i look weird!! =(
and that it's bad.... aiyak. nvmla, hair will grow back wan... (:

ok, haha, feel much better after blogging. helps clear my thoughts. ^^

family

2009-05-17T17:12:00.000+08:00

i love my daddie, mummie and two lil brothers (:

and i don't like studying for my econs test this tuesday(the day after tomorrow)... or my finance quiz this monday (tomorrow).

and after all is said and done, I just still don't like to deal with hard situations..

i just.... run! =p

oh.. i like sleep-overs. and having meals with friends.

and sleeping. and singing praise and worship songs.
hee.. and eating!! and grocery shopping!

haha.

2009-05-10T00:29:00.003+08:00

mian.

it feels good.

i seriously couldn't care less anymore.

you can think that i'm actually evil and just pretending to be nice and just want to manipulate your feelings and all.

yes yes yes. i'm plain evil.

* * *

i don't care anymore because i really don't know what else to do.
you say i contradict myself in explaining.. fine. yes.

i DO. of cos i contradict myself. i'm a silly human being. i'm elizabeth.
elizabeth sometimes do crazy stuff. says crazy stuff. maybe even often say one thing and does another. if you wanna say i'm a hypocrite, you're probably right as well.
if you think i'm irritating and don't make sense... correct!! hahaha, sometimes i drive my ownself mad. and i don't even understand myself at times.. if not everytime.
i have flaws written all over.

it's a fact.

but for whatever that has happen. i'm really truly sorry.
if you think i'm just lying, i really don't know how else to prove to you that i'm not.
i really didn't know i caused you so much hurt. sorry... i'm really sorry..
but if you think i'm actually just manipulating your feelings, then i have nothing much to say.
i know that you are not perfect, that i am not perfect and this world we live in right now is not perfect, so???

shouldn't we try to make the best of it?

i know that we are as different as anyone could ever be. And that you're the 1st person that has hurt me so much to the point that i can actually cry and shake. literally.
but i don't care. i still make myself a fool in front of you trying to work things out.

but you say i make no sense.
okay okay. i make no sense...

you know what i feel like telling you?
that... yah, just please don't care about it then.

i don't want it to affect your work either.
sorry. i know you have assignment due on monday.
praying that it doesn't affect you.
that you won't be angry until you can't do your work.
seriously, not worth it. really.

i irritate you that much right? then just forget about it.
i don't make sense? then don't think about it.

or maybe you already don't care but i thinking too much. haha, yah. maybe. hopefully.

want to sms or e-mail you to say sorry and that it's all my fault and that you're right, i'm secretly evil, hypocrite, contradict myself, so just don't be friends with me, easy!!! just forget the whole issue.

hahaha, but i scared later i just make you angrier.
aiya. can only pray la...

whatever!!! hahahah.
i used to be someone who really cares a whole lot what ppl think of me.
but right now, i don't care!!!!!!!

seriously. think i'm evil. think i'm pure evil. think i'm a saddist. think i'm a big fat pretender.
seriously whatever. =p i'm whatever you think i am.
don't need to try to make me see i'm wrong. i know i am.
and that's why i said i'm sorry.. and i'm willing to change.
just don't use my past against me.
please.

in economics term, it's already a sunk cost....
cmon. look at your marginal benefit and marginal cost.
if you think it's not worth it, fine.
you said 2 months right?

oklah. you want to get back at me right? fine.
whatever.
i'm evil. i'm heartless.
so go ahead.
you can say whatever you wan & ignore me to your heart's content.

you say you will win in the ignoring game?
ok, yes, u will win.

i guess this it is where it ends.
me happy? no.. why would i be?...
it's just that i've become too numb.
cried until my eyes become numb also.
my feelings are numb. emotions are numb.

numb is good. (: you're right, i'm heartless now.
you're always right. i'm always wrong cos i dun make sense.

hahaha, even now. actually i think i'm just babbling nonsense.
(:

hee. i'm upset. yeap. definitely.
but there's nothing i can do about it.
so just let me release it here, can??
just allow me to express how i fell, ok?

thank you.

friends?

2009-05-09T07:52:00.002+08:00

=(

your words hurt to the core...
only because you meant so much.

if you were just some stranger,
i would have just walked off happily.

no, i think i'd run away as far as my legs would take me.

the hard thing here is i can't. yet, i really don't know how to face it either.
seriously, maybe you're right.

even if we fix things now, it's only temporary.
the way we both function/work is too different.
haha, yah.. i think it's true what they all say, the only thing we have in common is God. everything else is as different as the sky and the sea.. or as night and day.

as much as i love and care for you, i don't wanna hurt you or make you angry either,
let's just start it all over and just be friends/acquitances. nothing more.

its hard trying to convince you to save this friendship when i am constantly having to convince myself...on my own.

too complicated. i thought things only get this complicated when it involves someone of the opposite sex, a guy. haha, we're both girls! it's suppose to be easier, isn't it??
ah, relationship either way, with anyone ... is complicated.. maybe because humans are just complicated.

haha, then again, maybe it's just me.
whatever la. we'll see how our talk goes later on.
i don't even know what to say to you honestly...
lost for words.
but i'll try.
i believe i owe you at least that, an explanation.

ah. canberra... =(
frustrating place.
i seriously wanna go back to Malaysia. hah. =p
this place is too different. i feel like a fish out of water at times.

hee. maybe that's just a lame excuse. everywhere has problems..
its just that i have a BAD habit of running away from my problems instead of facing them. =.="

hate hate HATE this situation..
God, pls help...
haha, pls be the 3rd person between us.. hahaha, sounds like some marriage counselling..
but seriously!!!! Need Your intervention for this to work...

or else, 100% guaranteed fail.

i LOVE my job. (:

2009-05-04T16:53:00.002+08:00

it's un-doubtly the most satisfactory work i think i could ever find. (:

I love, adore the kids. it's so refreshing being with them.
it's sooooo energizing & they never fail to bring a smile to your face.
especially when they give you a big warm hug... haha, can melt.

after the mundane work of uni, every mon & wed are my fav! ^^
Thank you God so much. (:

i miss blogging.

2009-05-03T20:21:00.003+08:00

i realized i hardly blog anymore. haha. either i have become too 'busy'... or i rather just keep all my thoughts in my head than blurting it all out here. =p

anyway, lots have been happening I don't even know where to start.

1st off, i've been really sick. =(

my nose bleed everyday for the whole of last week.
i went to see the doctor 4 times in 2 weeks.
1st, i ran, tripped & fell on my face. =.=" yeap, & fractured my nose.
Really thank God i didn't break it.. or didn't die from head internal bleeding or something.

then, i had sore throat which turned into really bad DRY cough.. which is like the worst cough i ever had!
been coughing terribly for 2 weeks now.... & it doesn't seem to be better...
in fact, i think i'm starting to get a cold.

i went to the doctor but ended up being an experiment rat.
the 1st doctor told me i had virus infection & gave me penicillin antibiotics.
Halfway through the medication, there was no effect, & my nose was bleeding everyday, once even two times in a day... so i went back to the doctor.

this time another doctor examined me & said the previous medicine i was given was the incorrect one & prescribed me another 'stronger' antibiotics...
and asked me to come back if i was unhappy... =.="

haha, so... i've spend lots of money on medicine!! on x-rays!! (for the nose)..

and.... i thought i coughed blood while sleeping because i woke up one day with the tissue beside my bed full of blood & there were splatters of blood all over my bedsheet.
haha, ok, that was a pretty gross descrption. sorrie...

and.. i ate seafood salad that day while being sick & got a bad respiratory reaction. i thought i was going to die. it was so hard to breath & i was coughing non-stop for what seemed like eternity.
i think i ate everything i could think of from strepsils, to cough syrup, to honey, to warm water, and even asthma inhaler , haha, oh. no. i didn't eat the asthma inhaler, i used it. =p ...wanted to take antihistamine as well.. or whatever was in the medicine box.

Thank God it's alright now. no more seafood salad for me...

i'm babbling. =p

i just want to get well soon...
it's terible being sick..

the worst thing is i can't sleep.. cos sleeping makes me cough even more & i feel like my whole chest is gonna burst. or rather my lungs & throat.

and it's winter!!!!!! canberra is sooooooooo cold. makes you hungry all the time. so you feel like eating. but eating makes me cough even more.

haha, the irony of it. i shud be having abs from coughing & be really looking sick, thin & haggard from being sick for 2 weeks... but hehe, i think on the contrary i've put on weight!

=( and no six-pack from the coughing unfortunately, just a sore stomach.. haha.
ok. i still look sick though. bad black eye-bags from insufficient sleep.

hahahahaha, i'll stop talking & go try to do my work..

oh, did i tell you. i've been Sooooooooooooooo lazy.
I skipped more than half of my tutorial classes.... & skipped half of my lectures.
and i feel like skipping them this week too.

bad!!! hahaha, last year, i would never ever skip a single class. even if i didn't sleep the night b4, i'd drag myself out of bed & walk 20 mins to uni just for a one-hour class.
but now.... haha, a totally different story.

aiya. i think i talk too much already.
till the next update...

ciao!

PS

2009-04-04T23:21:00.002+08:00

haha, addicted to pet society!! =D

recommended by Ivan and Erica! hehe.

oh. i got back my ENVS2017 aka Vietnam Field School Trip marks.
haha, only got Distinction.. but good already la, praise God! haha, and Sam owes me dinner cos he got HD! =p

Erm, exams next week. but i busy playing games..
haha. econs assignment worth 1% also... lazee do. it's 1%!! haha, but have to la. considering every percent counts.. since i failed the previous exam. =(

need to work harder during the hols.

speaking about hols, can't wait!
going for OCF easter camp!!
and CIF weekend away camp!

(:

3.5/10

2009-03-31T20:06:00.002+08:00

o.O
i failed my econs exam!!!

=(
didn't even get the average of 4.

haha, and microeconomics 2 is actually my fav. subject among the 4..

lesson? please please read the question properly.

you can answer well, but that's not what they're asking for.

You may think you have succeeded well in life,
but what if that's not what matters?

What if you're not really answering the question....

then,
what is the question of life?

bi-polar?

2009-03-30T21:23:00.004+08:00

1 minute i'm fine, the next i'm crying.
crazy....

hahaha.
anyways, the kids are so cute.
so adorable.
haha, the funniest part was that they keep calling me "Elizabeth Lim! can you please push me on the swing"
it's so weird hearing kids call you elizabeth lim over and over and OVER again!
they laughed at my surname.. =.="

funnie.
and we had lame jokes.
haha, all those lame jokes from youth group gang.
haha, lifeXtremers...

and knock knock jokes!
who's there?
=p

learning to let it out.

2009-03-29T21:18:00.002+08:00

let me try to say what i feel. it's not so much for you to read, but for me to try to understand myself. because i seriously don't know what is wrong with me.

i'm angry. frustrated. stress. sad.
that's it i think.
who am i angry at? i don't know.
maybe myself.
i get irritated, agitated and just.. blah. i throw tantrum at people.. and can't seem to control my temper.

i'm frustrated. because i want to please everybody, but know i can't.
i feel not understood. that nobody takes me seriously.

stress. because i feel like everyone has such high expectations of me.
and i don't wanna let them down.

sad. because of you. mainly anyway.

why do i join so many churchy activities you ask?
no, it's not why i don't have time for my work.

it's the only thing that keeps me sane.
being reminded of God.
it's the thing that keeps me going.
cause i seriously can't find any other reason to study.

yes. i'm losing motivation.
why??? i don't know.
maybe it's you.
or i'm just blaming you.
sorry, it's just me.
i'm plain lazy.

i don't think stopping all these activities would help.
do you even know why i join so much in the 1st place?
to stop thinking
cos i thought if i fill all my time with activities, my brain won't have place to wonder.
i won't have negative thoughts.
i'd be too busy.
verdict?

doesn't work.
i become busy alright.. but not busy enough to stop thinking.
yet no more time to do work.
not really no time, it's just that i don't want to make the time.
back to the motivation thing again.
no drive.

i don't get the use of it. why?
this world is so... i don't wanna live in it.
humans are so unpredictable.
why wanna run this rat race together?
i don't see the point.
you only end up hurt.

you still don't get it don't you?
you're weird.
saying that i'm going through all this because never pray enough. but then, why are you also the one who say i should stop all my bible studies and know my priorities.
you're... not really making sense you know..
the thing is.. you don't know.

you don't even try to know. do you?
it's not just as simple as that.
it still hurts. even if it doesn't show.
because i keep hiding it, telling myself i NEED to be alright.
it's time to move on.
i am expected to be OKAY.
no, not just to be okay, to be doing great!

but what if i just can't?
what if i really really tried?
i really really did my best to forget. to numb. to move on.
have i succeed?
or am i just making it worse?

there's something fundamentally wrong.
period.
i don't know what's it.
i seek. i ask. i...
maybe i'm doing something wrong.
i don't know..
please tell me if you do.
but please don't judge me.
unless you're in my shoes...

i'm weak.
words means a lot.
i keep going all this while.
but maybe i keep asking why? for what?

shouldn't i solve the problem 1st?
shouldn't i try to get to the root of the problem instead of suppressing it and thinking i'm all fine?
will it be too late if i keep going on?
will i have lose myself by then?

i don't know. i really don't know.
it's not something new.
it's been a struggle since you walked away.
made it worse by coming back, promising, and walking away again.
i believed. i don't want to.
i want to run away.
simple.

that's me.
i always want to run away from my problems.
but is that the right thing to do?
of course not.
then how?
face it?
i tried. i did.
i just don't know whether it's the right thing and should i even keep trying.
running always seems easier.

okay. i'm babbling. i know.
i just wish.. i wish.. i don't really know what i wish.
i know you don't understand because i don't either.

the only one who knows would be God..
i wish i could hear you!
maybe i'm too stubborn. and close my ears.
let me hear. please speak loud to help me.

people think i'm just being crazy. maybe i am.
i wish this were all only temporary... and i wasn't really feeling nutty.

would it make it better if you talk to me?.. sometimes i wonder.
then.. if it did... is it only a temporary solution?
that's out of the question anyway.

the problem is me.
my whole life, that has always been the problem.
it's so frustrating. as if my whole life revolve around only that.

i hope no one read thru this whole thing..
cos you might just think i've gone insane.
i'm just trying to understand myself..
all this... weird emotions. overwhelming. seriously.

breakdown?

2009-03-29T21:03:00.003+08:00

i hope not.
i'm going to the clinic tomorrow.

i'm not sure what's wrong.
and no one is gonna take me seriously.

i kinda thought i was ok.
but looking at things now, i guess not.
i'm just making a big fool of myself.

and either way, i'm gonna end up dissappointing ppl...

i'm weak. period.

=)

2009-03-27T23:11:00.003+08:00

talking bout you. reminds me why its not worth it.

because it just reminds me how wrong everything was.

i'll learn to deal with it.

maybe i just want you to know you mean a lot.

even if it may seem like i'm ignoring you, i still always think of how you're doing.

Knowing i can't even talk to you... or give you a smile,

I'm glad i can always ask God to be with you, protect you & just guide you in all you do.

you seem happy, that's good.

i'm content knowing you're well...

thanks kawan-kawan...thanks for sharing, listening & trying to understand even if you don't.
thanks for hearing me out. (:

competitiveness

2009-03-26T11:43:00.002+08:00

I really want a break from this world.

i want to talk. haha, but don't really know how to say it in words. scared it'll come out wrongly.
that my point won't come across in the way it was meant to be.

recently just so scared to say things.
but i don't know whether it's a good thing.
keeping everything inside you (me) is very frustrating at times...

maybe just want to complain, but know i shouldn't.
so i try not to, but then it just end up making me...
burdened all inside.

i need a shift in attitude.
in... the way i view things.
like what we learn in bible study...
a christ-like attitude?

very HARD.
i'm naturally selfish. =(
naturally sinful.
naturally proud.
but need to learn to be humble. to think of others better as oneself.
to be self-sacrificial...

that's hard.... i need reminders each and every day..

maybe i'm confused.
too many opinions.
trying to please everyone, knowing i can't.

aiya. i'm just lost.
wish i could dissappear from this world for a while...

i have cheeks

2009-03-23T18:38:00.002+08:00

haha, a kid told me i have cheeks. =.="

hahaha, translated means... i'm chubby!

in other words, excess fat on my face?
hahaha, and she pinched my cheeks!!!

=p

kids are just so adorable! Children are really a blessing from God! ^^
Thank you God!
I love my job!! it's the best thing ever...

sorrie.

2009-03-20T10:59:00.004+08:00

reading back on my previous posts... i think i know how you felt..

i'm so sorry budak..
i'm so sorry for being so selfish at times...
i'm sorry for causing all the unnessary pain, trouble.. etc.

* * * *
I realize i like to change blog quite often. VERY OFTEN.

I shall try to stick to this one.

I.... am still learning A LOT of things.

I thought i've gotten over you... but i haven't.
so i won't deny that. just gotta learn to deal with it and move on.
it's definitely not helping that i have to see you so often.

it's true. gotta die to self daily. pick up the cross daily.
one moment it's so easy, the next day its back to basic.
in a way, it reminds me to keep relying on YOU cos i seriously don't know how else i could possibly go on.

i keep asking why do u keep getting myself into these kinda situations.
keep falling.. and having t0 stand up again.
but maybe that fall was too big. or maybe i'm just stubborn and refuse to get up.
life moves on.

those memories were nice. were dream-like if i was allowed to say.
but it's over. it probably never started in the 1st place.
a facade?
maybe.
then again, it was a DREAM.
makes me wanna sleep and dream it all over again.
but you and I know it won't happen.

even if it did,
and we talked like how we did. we e-mailed like how it did.
would things change?
or would it be the same thing all over again?

i'm tired of pretending you never existed.
it's impossible... i'm sure you know that.
i'm tired of pretending that i don't care... when i want so much to know how you're doing.
it's hard, when we have to bump into each other so often.
i'm tired of living this life where we can't even be freinds.
why must i ignore you? why must you ignore me?

is it really that complicated???

someone just please take away my memory.
i don't want everything to keep reminding me of you...

and this is why i've never dared to commit myself to any relationship... because if you were to leave, i'd die.
because committing would mean i'd give you all i could, then if you decide to leave, what would i be left with?

lesson learmed. don't give your heart away so easily. (:
Only Jesus deserves all of it.

As for now, i'm super content with that. He's all i need.. and He always will be.
erm... as for the part of me i left with you... i don't know.. i need to ask my Shepherd..
i'm a seriously lost sheep right now....

bleh

2007-11-13T23:46:00.001+08:00

i sat there. staring at the table. blank.

looking very dejected. didn't realize the multitudes of students that had walk out the exam hall.

vidhia looked at me puzzled. elizabeth, you okay? i could just stare at her. didn't know what to say.

i had just sat for my mcb paper. honestly, it was pretty good. Praise God 4 that!! :)

but yet, my heart felt heavy. not because of the exam. but *him.

of all the places in the world, why did *he have to sit behind me????? of all times of these things to happen, why days b4 exams??

earlier in the morning, i had a miss call from *him. but i couldn't even bring myself to call him back yet sms *him. fearing that *he would call back. i didn't know what else to say to *him.

walking past the corridor, my eyes caught a glimpse of *him. I almost fainted right there. i couldn't. I just didn't know how to look at *him in the eye anymore.

even when i had to pass the papers to *him during the examination, i avoided any possible eye contact.

Yixuan!!!!!!!! haha, sorrie i kept screaming that day. really was stressed out.

are things gonna get better again?

can we ever just be friends again?

****

lost.

2007-11-12T23:54:00.000+08:00

pretend. harden. silence.

don't know what else to do for now...

Bermuda triangle?

2007-11-11T22:29:00.001+08:00

hey. if all things dissapears in the range of the bermuda triangle....

why don't we dispose all our un-recyclable stuffs & all the un-biodegradable garbages there??

hahah, ok. i know.. don't really make sense. *nyek nyek nyek* just a random thought. :)

it's so hard to concentrate!!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha.
exams OH EXAMS.... pls end faster!!!! =p

boring??????

2007-11-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

u don't wanna read cos it's boring stuff???

oh.... okay... hahaha, says a lot bout how much u care.

mian, that hurts a lot!!!! ok, dun read then. i'd rather keep it to myself than share it wif someone who's unwilling to be there when it matters most.

thx. for being blunt. direct. straight to the point. sorry for thinking that of all of people, u'd care. but i was so wrong, sorry. u have better things on your mind than to worry bout *boring* stuff like this.

hahaha. though u say it's boring, don't expect me to take it lightly cos it really means a lot to me. there, this is exactly why i don't see the point of following u. it doesn't change a thing. maybe distance would even help. :)

don't know.

2007-11-08T20:08:00.000+08:00

"I hope u know what you're doing....."

"Yeapz.....*smiles & nods head* Don't worry."
(screaming inside: no mum... i really don't know what i'm doing... i'm really that lost.... & know I shouldn't have.... I know I'm making things worse.... I seriously don't know what i'm doing!.... AND I DON'T WANNA DO IT ANYMORE!!!!!)

* * * * *

what in the world is wrong wif me..... it's getting deeper. messier... someone pull me out b4 i fall too deep into a web that just won't untangle.

i know what i want. i know what i should do. yet why is it so hard to just ACT!!! why is it so hard to SPEAK UP??? why do i keep pretending as if all this is just a dream? why do i keep playing along with this role that is not me.

it ain't what it seems. arghh!!! how do i explain it?????
don't make me. don't push me. don't force me. cos i really don't know how....

don't ask me. it's not gonna change a thing. just try to understand. but how can you... when i never explained myself clearly.

It's just frustrating!!!! don't wanna play anymore.... never wanted to play.... what am i to do now? how am i suppose to get myself out now? how am i suppose to justify all my words & actions when i don't even understand them myself. i just don't want to be a part of this.

i always thought things were complicated. hahahha, but never knew it could be THIS complicated. all this while, it was just me. no matter how hard things were, I could somehow control it. I could let go cos of HIM. but how now??

HOW????????????? ARGH!!!!! u know... hahahha, i'm gonna enjoy the day when all this is over. it's too much a girl can take... what with all the exams coming on. this must be the worst exam that i'm most unprepared for.

how can i think with all this going on?????????? I can't even get my mind straight!! but i have to... i can't give up.. can't let go.. this is the ONLY WAY out.. fine. whatever it is. whatever the outcome. THIS is gonna be the WAY OUT. tired of having to keep running away every single time. if it's not *him, it's you.

stress!!!!!!!!! i can't do this exam without you GOD!!!! i seriously don't know how to....

i don't know what i'm doing!!! i really don't know. so confused!!!!!!! I just want to be free to be with YOU!!!! I don't want all this,.... i don't need all this. Just YOU. just YOU GOD. haha, me & YOU. no one else. =) perfect.

it's killing me. living a life that's not me!!! not being able to voice what i really feel!!! I wanna SHOUT!!! wanna TELL THE WORLD. hahaha, it's really tiring...

pretending to smile, when it actually hurts.
to stay, when i wanna run away.
to be happy, when it's anger.
to laugh, when it's actually frustration.
to be silent, when there's thousand & one things to be said.

knowing that maybe... or justifying that maybe sometimes honesty isn't always the best policy.
or maybe it is. i don't know anymore.

no matter what.. the outcome seems to still be the same. doesn't make sense. given up trying to figure the paradox out.

honestly don't know where all this is heading. seeing me from someone's else point of view, I'd shout to myself & ask me to wake up already!!!!!! I'll be screaming my head off to tell myself to stop being so childish & face reality!!!! stop pretending & get real!!! haha, LOLx. GET REAL!!

like the youth camp theme. haha, remember the acting in church by the New Life PJ youths.

get real Elizabeth. get real... stop playing the game where no one wins. don't be stubborn...
don't think u can solve it on ur own... don't think u know best. don't keep growing ur prison!!! LOLx. yea, thx J for stopping me from wallowing in self-pity. hahah. get out already elizabeth, ok???

stop giving lame excuses.. just draw strength from GOD to face it. u gotta face it.... that's the only way out.. no matter how YOU DREAD IT.

just say it. just be honest. just lay it all out. & walk away. don't look back. it ain't worth it.

if its taught u something, its taught u to let go.
if its worth its drawbacks, its getting your focus back.

if there's anything u should know by now, is that, no one else's opinion matters that much as compared to God's. from my point of view, that is.

another thing, to be grounded in your values. no! to be grounded in GOD's word. truly invalueble.

sometimes the flesh gets weak... but it's really important to live by the spirit & not the flesh. haha, saves u a whole lot of trouble!! seriously.

really like the verses : "It's no longer I that live, but Christ that lives in me, & the life i now live, i live by faith in the son of God that loves me & gave Himself for me". & "I live by faith & not by sight!" :)

hahahahahaha, although things are so super messy now, there's still so many things to be thankful about!!! haha, yea!!! Yes!! u know... haha, things could have been a lot lot lot worse if it hadn't been 4 God's intervention. gonna praise HIM despite all that's going on!!! cos HE's still faithful & worth of all praise!!! ^^

things are tough!! but if its brought me closer to Him, then i'll say it's worth it. if its made me more dependant on Him, hahaha... berbaloi. & it has. isn't that cool? hahaha. *nyek*

exceedingly ABUNDANTLY!!!

2007-11-07T22:43:00.000+08:00

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory… forever and ever." Ephesians 3:20-21

=p *grins* .... memang *speechless*

hahaha, that's my sermon notes book.. =p

and i still remember that time when i wrote "I need a MIRACLE!".... haha, it was during service .... the sunday before the major assignment was due!! one day b4!! MCB assignment!!

45% of finals!!!! hahah, yah.. was freaking out in church cos haven't finished my assignment at that point of time. And it seriously didn't feel like there was enough time to do...

what not with all the stress that was going on at that time.. haha, plus procrastination "skills"...

the miracle i was praying so hard for was to finish my assignment in time!!!! hahaha, and i did managed to!!! but kinda expected the results to be bad.... since it's super last minute work... would be happy to get a credit d!!

but u know what??? hahaha, HE is able to do exceedingly ABUNDANTLY!!... above all we ask or think!... and what i got is really SHOCKING!!!!

hahahaha, i would have never ever imagine such a thing.... LOLx. got HD for that assignment!!!!! =b hahahahahhahahaha, nut-ness.... super super nut-ness...... i actually told teacher i don't deserve the marks... & she look at me one kind..

but yea!! haha, GOD is so awesome!! =p *grins* to HIM be the glory! =) seriously can't imagine what will happen to me without HIM... can't imagine life without HIM!!!

yah! *tee hee* thx ya 4 all ur prayers!! really works!! ahha, really appreciate it! especially Nana, Olivia & Lissa 4 ur super concern & prayer sms, knowing i was freaking out so much in church. =)

* * * * *

"The will of God is never exactly what you expect it to be. It may seem to be much worse, but in the end it's going to be a lot better and a lot bigger." -Elisabeth Elliot

No matter how impossible the situation may seem right now.... no matter how dark the tunnel is, I believe YOU'll make a way for me. YOU are the way. =p

closer.

2007-11-06T23:27:00.000+08:00

dreading it!!... yet looking forward.... =)

* * * * *

Ohz, haha, today was so weird.

One stranger guy came up to talk to me. haha, He's apparently a volunteer from a Spastic Children Home asking for donation. The conversation went on like any normal conversation except the part that He actually asked me whether i have a boyfriend. =.="

& when i told him no... he actually asked me my age & said that he's trying to find a girlfriend for his younger brother. I was like ........... LOLx. what???? hahahaha. so lawak la the guy!!

anyway... He was just JOKING!!!! i think he was.... hahaha, anyway I told my parents bout it... & i kena marah. *sigh

cos they say i too friendly to strangers & dad says i shudn't engage in such conversation...
but i wasn't too friendly also!!! all i did was just listen to him talk about the spastic children awareness thing mah.... i mean... it's not like i ask him tons of questions... just answer him only la...

and bcos of that they say i kenot go out???? hahah, yah.. and bcos of all the petrol station workers alwiz talking to me & asking me weird questions....I dun have to fill petrol anymore!!!!!!!! *nyek nyek nyek*

that's a blessing in disguise!! haha, cos i dun like filling up petrol!!! hahahaha, so since mum & dad are so scared of the foreign workers talking to me, they decided that they will fill my car's petrol instead. haha, can save on petrol money!!! muahahahahahahhaa. so syiok!!!! =p

ohz... and when i wanted to go to starbucks ladies washroom today, I opened the door & there was a guy inside!!!!!!! what was he doing inside there with the door unlocked??? so freaky. LOLx. i just stared at him then quickly went back to my seat.

i think he said something to me, but i can't remember. was too shock....

weird day.. hahaha.

ohz.. & receive a pleasant surprise today!! haha, tell more soon.. God's awesome! =b
and i'm not just saying that cos it's gud news.... haha, cos even in the worst situations, GOD is still GOOD! =)

*nyek

2007-11-05T22:59:00.000+08:00

hahaha, sorrie 4 the disgusting pics.. hahaha. yah. i seriously have nothing better to blog bout. =p

anywayz... i seriously have no idea why asyik kena accident lately....

i didn't purposely prick my hand!!!! it happen accidentally..... haha.. clumsiness....

and it was my RIGHT hand somemore... hahaha, need to use the right hand thumb to sms wan!!! =b

u wanna know what caused it?? *this!! ----->hahahha, yah.. was *too excited* over the new guitar so main-main with it.

Then wanted to keep it back into it's case.... then suddenly......... *ouch* felt something pierce into my thumb. and then saw blood coming out...

can u see the sharp wires jutting out from the guitar head? the end of those 6 strings.... yah.. one of them pierce into my flesh!! could see the line & depth on my thumb!

hahahaha, and i scared mum & dad when i showed them my *blood-dy* thumb.

the strings were super SHARP!!! nuts wei.... very the dangerous.... they make it all poking upright..... gotta be extra careful!!!

* * * * *

But really thank God it's alrite now. hahaha, almost perfect..surprisingly no scar... even though the wound was 0.5cm deep. aloe vera helps!!! =b

and i can write like normal!!! hahaha. *yay*

ohz.. haha, my head? still bruised... but it's not worse.. hahaha, & actually slightly better right now.. hopefully tomoro the pain will be gone.. so yes!! Praise God!!! & thanks u guys!! ^^

*grins* i'm gonna strive to be accident-free tomoro!!! =p

stress?!?!

2007-11-04T21:49:00.000+08:00

no!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i ter-hit my head. on the shape corner edge of the table. while playing games in church today.

and now it HURTS LIKE CRAZEE!!!!!!!!

(yes!! i was practically walking around the whole hse today with that weird looking thing tied around my head.... looked so weird... but dun care la, as long as it can help make the pain go away!!!! it felt like i was cooking my brain because the heat pad had to be constantly re-heated!!!)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... so uncomfortable!!!!! duno whether wanna scream or cry....teruk timing. haihz.. ape nak buat.. so clumsy.. dunno how can jatuh also...

it's making me mad!!!!! ahhhh!!!!! there's a bump now... & a blue-black mark on the back of my head!! i think it's at some mood nerve la... cos if i try to press it or my dad massages it, i become super frustrated & angry. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

why must it be on my head????????????!!!!!!!!!!

yes!!! it's super meng-irritating-kan!!!! makes me so agitated!! wanna burst liau!!!!!

just now it wasn't that bad!!! actually it didn't really hurt much in church... but later in the evening, the pain just came like a storm!!!! feel like SMACKING IT!!!!

& somemore dad says tomoro it'll get WORSE???????? how worse can it get??????????????????? i wanna read my marketing...... pls pls pain.. go away... u can come back after exam la.. dahla not enough time adi.... must have sakit kepala at this time...

sorry if i sound like a mad woman in this post... i just need to lepaskan my geram!!!!!!!!!!! feel like shouting!!! so angry!!!! hahaha, dunno angry for what la.. but it's so irritatingly painful!!!!!!!!!!!!

if it gets worse tomoro, i'm gonna get painkiller from the doctor!!!! even if dad dun let... dun care!!!! it's too irritating to tahan it adi!!!!!!! or i'll have to resort to smacking everyone i see...

hahahahahhaha, maybe memang over-stress from exam la. & i really don't need the pain to add to it!!!!! i dun like all this one bit.....

=p LORD, HELP...

clean!

2007-11-03T20:32:00.000+08:00

Muahahahaha, I finally washed my car this morning!! =)

LOLx. yea... it seems like eons & ages ago since the last wash... it was super dirty!! hahaha. but I couldn't find the lizard that jump into my car that day.

so weird!!! search and vacuum the entire interior of the car yet couldn't find anything.

Ohz, but i did find some slimy goey sticky brown stuff. it was.... revolving. *blueks*

the worst part was that it contaminated the vacuum handle!!!.... hahaha, is it possible that it is the discomposed body of the lizard????

ah! just so happie that it's clean adi!!!! ^^ but it rained halfway while i was washing the car!!! hahaha, so washed in the rain, free water!!!

* * * * *

Kid's carnival at church today! tiring!!!!!!!!!!! but enjoyable. :)

hahaha, was overall good!! but dunno why, something wrong wif me 2day i think.... was like sulking the whole day. hahahaha, & every minor issue seemed so men-irritating-kan. *sigh* bad mood day kua...... haha, exam stress!!! so not ready!!!! I forgot how it's like to sit for exam...

i so can't believe finals is in a week!!!!!!!!!

then almost hit a car when drove home to take the stand fan. but then again, it's nothing new... nyek nyek... memang certified reckless driver d. =p

btw, some pics randomly taken just now. ^^

and yea! guess what we got on thursday!!! *tada*

exam de-stressor kit!! LOLx. got Kit Kat inside!!! hahahahaha. and lots of other cool cool stuffs.

thx Yueen Mun 4 urging me to go. =) something's seriously wrong with me these days... y do i feel so sesat?? ......

family.

2007-10-30T21:52:00.000+08:00

:) *sigh* i dun lyke making decisions like this!!!!!!!

men-stress-ful-kan.

on one hand, i really wanna go there, yet another part wants to follow together.
where to go???

aii.. i wanna make him happy by going, yet i say i refuse to go there because he'll be there.

*sigh* someone help....

another thing is .... i dun really like the degree i choose there.... haha, unless i get the single degree for all 3 options... that would make it easier. =)

haha, science, journalism or law? what if i have to choose between these 3? UWA, ANU or Queensland? how am i suppose to decide base on?

I'll choose what YOU choose. even if I'm ready to go but YOU say stay, i'll stay.
LOLx. do i really know what i'm saying???? hahaha, I just know that if YOUR WILL be done in my life, I could never ask for anything better than that.

yes, i may be stubborn in wanting to go as soon as i can. but just lead me to where YOU'll be. life ain't meaningful without YOU in the picture. =)

open the blinded eyes of my heart... find a way to make me rest in YOU... & just do what it takes to bring me back.

i wanna go home, *daddie God. i wanna go home... i don't wanna leave UR side ever again. i don't ever wanna lose sight of YOU...

cacat.

2007-10-28T21:35:00.000+08:00

my windows live messenger is CACAT! >.<

every time i switch it on, it causes the whole computer to be stuck... and it just refuses to coorperate! hmmmz.

*sigh* how can it give up on me like that....

hahhaa, nasib baik ada the old windows messenger. but the old wan doesn't allow you to send or receive messages while appearing off9.

oh wellx. takde ubi, akar pun berguna.. haha.

pics.

2007-10-26T22:14:00.000+08:00

haha, pics from Sheena's open house that day. =)

*curi-ed these two from Bak's blog.... the files too big d, take so long to download..... must get the rest from xuan. =p

the pic on top: (from right - Kamini, Sheena, Vidhia, Bak, *hehe, Sheena's fren...sorrie lupa nama*, yixuan & me)

yea!! haha, my tutorial mates from 1.1 (xcept Sheena's fren who's from her high school)

& finally got pic of vidhia 1! =p cos that day she didn't let me take a picture of her!! hehe, it's vidhia 1 cos there are two Vidhia"s in my class. cool huh! =) *grins*

why.

2007-10-26T00:14:00.000+08:00

why?
cos u remind me of me. =)
the persistance. the looking out. the obsession.

once upon a time.
i was u.
but our story is different.
yet the same.

but i kept silent. u did not.
u were brave enough, i not.

world war 3.
lives turned topsy-turvy.

something...someone that seemed just so hard to let go.
cos there was always this tiny little hope we hold on to, didn't we?
even if all odds were against it, even if in reality it was a one man/woman show,
we still live in denial, don't we?

insecurity, no?
i admit so.

changed, now?
i hope so.

but that is why u remind me of me.
making it harder.

cos to me it's the same.
but in reality, it differs.

i don't understand?
i do.
i was u.

i don't know what i want?
i do.
but i was u.
i know what i wanted.
and know what would have happened.

but then again, to me it's the same.
when actually it's not.

it hurt, u hurt.
i felt it & it almost cost my life.
i know cos i've been there.

my story?
another chapter since ur story began.

my want?
u showed me who i was.
where i stand.

my life?
changed.
regret but yet not.
cos u made me see myself.

and i realize either way, i make a bad player.
on my own, i stumble.
either roles, i need HIM.
ultimately, the only thing constant is HIM.

truth unveil, secrets exposed.
i was once u.

thoughts unsaid.
i'm glad it never left my lips.
because i know how much it would have cost him.
it would be unfair.

or maybe it already is.

emotions unsaid.
meaning unintentional.
it doesn't matter.
i understand anyway.

but u're still different.
same as i was.

both special.
one after, one chasing.

=) i don't get this thing at all.

my happy ending?
not what i envision.
not there yet.
a journey.

ultimately, i believe u'll get ur happy ending, in the way you least expected, but HIS best cos HE really is in control. ^^

why? why me? then u?
why this.
hold on yea.
in HIS timing. :)

ah! why?
HEs trying to get *someone's attention. *grins*
who? me? u?
aren't we the same? ^^
us!

ello!! =p

2007-10-25T20:53:00.000+08:00

hahaha, been "busy" lately... but feel so so relieved now!! =) kay, quick *UPDATES*

assignments are all done! ... haha, hmmz.. just left finals... in less than a month's time!

*grins* this week paling LEPAK wan... haha, on monday morning went parade with xuan & bak! managed to changed my watch battery!!!.... it has been "dead" since early this year!

& finally been to the new section of pyramid!! haha, yeah... went on mon evening after class, alone. keke, yeah! 2 shopping malls in a day!! when there's classes somemore!! =p

had accounting exam on wed! - yesterday! redeemable for 20% of finals!! haha, but was tough mian!!! tambah the fact that revision was uber uber uber UBER last minute.. cramp everything the day b4!!! haha, tak cukup time...

and then..... yesterday went for Sheena's hari raya open house! was fun - full of laughters!! haha, her hse super chun...Lolx. We (bak, yixuan, kamini, vidhia, sheena + her friend..haha, sorrie lupa nama la) took lots of pics!! and really muhibah mian!!! *grins*

today... went parade again! after class ^^ *grins* alone this time.... haha, seem to be addicted to that place... especially mph! keke. gud place to ber-emo alone with all the ice-creams. haha- stress relief.

btw.. ya.. applied for aus uni adi.... finally... haha, after procrastinating for... LOLx. months.. years. i'm finally GOING!!! haha, hopefully.... for once, i'm actually willing to go. =) happilly! but still gotta see what happens la. *tee hee* ^^

hahahahaha, if only we could laugh our problems away... can we? =p

didi, mims, & muaz. ^^

2007-10-21T22:19:00.000+08:00

haha, do not mind me. i look insane in the pics. haha, but i like it nevertheless cos there's mum and dad in it!! ^^ dad had headache... (again!!... last nite also..) so he was resting in the room...and mum was temaning him. hahaha, then i came to KACAU them!!! =p

hahahah, u see the pic with white stuff poking out from my dad's hair? guess what's it?!?!

pillow FEATHERS!!! *grins*

and if u look carefully, a small part of his hair is tied up.

Hmmmz.. LOLx. go figured who was responsible for those "actions"...
hahahaha, daddie is so extremely CUTE!!!! =p

haihz.. yes.. this is what he means by i "climb all over his head".... he gives me too much liberty.... i think i take it for granted.

hahahahah, and he might just "skin me alive" for posting his pics online... muahahahaha.
but he doesn't have to know if no one tells him, rite? ^^

jk la!! i'm sure he won't mind... haha, i hope.... (*crosses finger)And i like this last pic!!! haha, dad says it's unique. =) LOLx, i think would have been much much nicer if it was just both of them... haha, oh wellx. i *lamp-post.

the HEART shaped lollipop! :)

2007-10-19T20:04:00.000+08:00

SUGAR RUSH!!! muahahahaha. kena marah by mum cos she says it's full of sugar & that i'll get fat!!! =p

LOLx. so i said, fat d ma.. so it's ok! =) hahahaha, it's so red & yummy!!! plus super huge....hahahha, mum says i have to eat it in the span of one month!!! ^^

i think by then, will be conquered by the ants adi..

*grins* btw.. that's my bday present fr. Charlene!! haha, since June.. LOLx. been keeping it four months adi!!

& that's my cousin Jorge! hahaha, he's Joel & Joshua's younger bro. He came to visit yesterday!!! =) haha, and naturally, i decided to take pics again.. *tee hee*

Jonas Brothers-Hold On Lyrics

2007-10-18T09:20:00.001+08:00

A day of pics. :)

2007-10-16T22:48:00.000+08:00

We had our 1st dose of accounting block lecture today!

hahaha, so how did we start it???

with McD's hot milo! packets of potato chips! & the laptop!! :p

even before the lecture started, everyone was so restless adi!!! =p haha, and for your info, only around 30 students turned up!! (the full class is 150++students!)

*grins* this is one of the ways how we "entertain" ourselves when our minds just don't seem to focus on what the lecturer is talking about!

Guys start playing FIFA!!!! Keng Giap! haha, top student somemore wei!! =p

well... others release their stress by squeezing other ppl's head! ^^ ohz.. haha, or maybe he's helping us release stress by massaging our heads. LOLx.

and then... there are other who are *busy* playing with the camera & taking pics of everyone.. muahahahahahahha.

Last but not least, that's our accounting lecturer!! Ms. Woo Wai Fun!! hahahhaha, she caught me taking a picture of her & she pointed at me!!! =p LOLx. aiks.. black-listed liau... keke.

And the guy, is Professor Stan.. is he a professor?? haha, he's the guest lecturer from UniSA who's gonna conduct this whole week's block lecture! ^^

* * * * * * *

And i reached home... & got another surprise!! My twin cousins came to visit!!! =p

They super hyper mian!! run here, run there... and they're so.......... hmmz.. haha, duno what to describe. They opened my school bag and took out my pencilbox even when i told them not too!!! YoZ... susah handle wei...they practically want everything they see.

from my earrings to my pendrive, to my taylor's student id.... even to my management book!! he wanted to use the book as a conteng paper!!! *sweats* mian...

LOLx. hahaha, and one of them poser mian!! pakai my bro's sunglasses then dance here, dance there. super cute!!! =)

aiks.. haha, the above wan is actually JOEL! ter-write wrongly. *oops*

yeapz! =) hahaha. i spend 2 hours editting the pics when i'm suppose to be doing management!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! crazeee.... blogging is bad man..BAD!!!

hahah, someone teach me self-control!!!! management assignment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how?!?!?>!?>!

run run RUN!

2007-10-14T15:12:00.000+08:00

yesterday revolution rally was FUN-tastic! =) & inspiring!!

Ps. Russell Evans was super funny mian!!! hahaha, laughed until stomach hurt so much.
yea! A bunch of us went. Nana, Tracy, Phebe, Joel, Mark & me. *grins* we bought the REVO t-shirt & wore it to church today... haha, kononnye look like some *boria*... haha, though i tak berapa faham what does that mean... =p

hmmz.. sorrie no pics.. haha, lupa bawa camera!!

do u wanna be a revolutionary!? :) the testimonies & stories that the pastor shared were really.. WOW!
and they had some step dance performance b4 that.. really coolx! Worship was awesome as well!! hahah, all in all. Great time!!! LOLx. despite the 1-hour delay.... haha, but was gud la, we got to fellowship & catch up on things!! ^^

hahaha, make sure u don't miss the next one!!

* * * * * *

having a bad flu day!! the nose keeps running!!!!!!!!!!!! can eating lots of chocolates cause FLU?? aii.. dun wanna fall sick!! *blueks*

Neways, haha, some random pics i *curi-ed* from my dad's camera!!! keke.

*tee hee* got facinated with all the piano's super cool functions!!! didn't know dad even took a pic of this! LOLx. bukannye pakar main also... =p

Ironically, no one in the hse plays the piano!!! ..... ahha, YET!! haha, mum is learning !!!

And also pics from my dad's trip to Perth!! =)

*grins* finally have a pic of Jonathan!!! muahahahahaha. ^^ (keke, u dun mind i post it up, yea?) so long didn't see u d!!! keke, u've GROWN!! haha, yeap yeapz. that's my dad & bro in Perth!

And last but not least... kekekeke, found pics of Allie in the camera too! *nyek nyek nyek*miss you gal!!!! =)

haha, yea.... itu saje untuk hari ini... haha, blessed hols to you all!! cho.. haha, i also want one week holiday!!!!!! =p

REVOLUTION!

2007-10-13T15:50:00.000+08:00

=) Oops. hahaha, lupa!!!!

There're gonna be.....

Revolution
" One Vision, One Passion To Impact This Generation "

Revolution is aimed at Uniting the CFs of all universities and colleges in the Klang Valley and Malaysia for the Cause of Christ. Our heart and passion is to see students in Uni's and Colleges impacted and influenced for the Cause. Come and be a part of this awesome Revolution right here in the heart of Malaysia. This will be the first time Revolution is happening in the Klang Valley and our prayer is that God will unite the CFs all over Klang Valley and Malaysia and see big things happening right here in our nation.

Date : 13 October 2007, Saturday
Time : 7.00pm
Venue : Sri Sedaya School
Speaker : Ps. Russell Evans, Planetshakers Director

It's TONIGHT!!! Come & be blessed!! =)

haha, for the video clippings, go to

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=19084832048&oid=4925244229( you'll need an account in facebook )
OR http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrJgKIqBfIQ

OR contact 017-641 1867 (keke, tho i dunno who's number is this....)

hahaha, come, okay????? i'll be going!!! *nyek nyek nyek* with Nana & Tracy! ikut Nana's parents.. then ikut Mark's car balik. =) yeah!!!

* * * *

i belum started my management assignment!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ha... ha... ha.... LOLx. i wonder if dad & mum know, will they still let me keluar jalan-jalan?? *grins*

mis-understood.

2007-10-13T00:02:00.000+08:00

hmmz, haha, was just wondering in the library just now...
*witness some stuff*
why in the world do ppl argue? how can 2 ppl just gaduh suddenly?

...
now i know!!!! =p
*blueks* and it's so mengeramkan!!!!
Grrrrr...... hahahahaha, frus oni tau...no wonder can just stomp of like that. i would have done the same thing too!!! or maybe i'll just be some dungu person that layan u for *i seriously don't know what reason*. beats me.

what he told her is so true. i don't!!! and i maybe i never will!!! cos it's so hard! u make it so hard. and to think i actually doubted it. questioned it. crazee me.

hahaha, inilah akibat tak dengar nasihat kawan.. dia cakap jangan main, tapi degil.... nanti jadi *entangled web*... kang tahu!!

can someone just remind me of the thousand.... or maybe million times i compromise on *i seriously can't keep count anymore*.
can someone please knock some senses into this thick head of mine?
can someone pls give me wisdom on how to handle these situations instead of acting base on my messed-up feelings which keep ending me up in trouble?
can someone pls explain to me what in the world is going on?
can someone give me the boldness and confidence to know what i want & be firm in it?
can someone turn back time? make time go faster instead?

...

wellx, hahaha, there's no such thing as out of it. only through it.... or THROUGH it!

so.. i'm gonna choose to go THROUGH it!! don't know how... don't know when... don't know why.....just relying on YOU and YOU alone to walk me thru..

guard my heart, guard my mind.... and stop me if that's what's best for me. if what i'm gonna do is gonna hurt YOU, just do what it takes to prevent that. Even if it's what i think i want, just give me YOUR desires for me. even if i already have plans... YOU can have it all cos I know YOUR plan for my life is far greater.

torn.

2007-10-12T14:34:00.000+08:00

*grins* decisions decisions decisions!!!! =p

LOLx. i dun lyke making decisions!!! *blueks*
hahaha, balik balik, i've come back to the question i've been avoiding.
where shud i go?!?!?!?!?!?!
torn between here or there... or THERE!! ^^

btw, dad came back from Perth today! carrying home boxes of chocolates!!! ekekek, & honey!!! yay!! :)
and with a piece of info that was so thought-provoking for myself - fish & chips shop!!

keke, it's either you get what i mean.. or you don't. hahahahhaha.
Anywayz, i wanna be a 2 places at a time!!! There's so many stuffs i wanna do... and all at the same time as well. there's too few hours in a day!!

no matter what, i guess i gotta go!! kenot grow here.... too relaxed in my comfort zone. keke, stunted d. =p
too many restrictions, too many commitments & too many DISTRACTIONS!!!!
hahaha, or maybe i'm just giving excuses and making justifications.
go figure! :)

Hmmz.. actually i realize this whole blog post is like.... quite confusing and doesn't make sense. I guess i just felt like typing about basically nothing-ness.

Neways, Selamat Hari Raya! ^^

bruises.

2007-10-11T01:25:00.000+08:00

my forehead hurts!! =p

just a reminder, don't ever ever hit ur forehead repeatedly with your handphone. it hurts!!!

it may not hurt that much then, but trust me... it's gonna cost you don't know how many days of pain & bruises!! haha, so for whatever reason, pls refrain urself from doing so. ^^

i've been rubbing it the whole day... but duno why the pain doesn't seem to get any lesser.... and the bump seems to be getting bigger. I need daddie!!! haha, cos He'll know what to do in situations like this!! or i'll probably kena marah for being so crazy as to self-abuse.

ahhh!! menyesal!!!! hahah, so tak berbaloi!!! weiz... whatever it is, dun hit any part of ur face... hmmz... seriously feels like someone just punch me in the head.

* * * * *

on another note!! marketing group assignment done d!!!! gonna pass up 2molo! Wheee!!! hahaha. *grins* ...accounting ... haha, sedang di process... =p
management, yet to begin! *blueks* but got 4 days holiday soon.... muahahaha, the laptop gonna be the life-support system again i predict.

*lalalalalalala* daddie baliking fri morning!! =)

(=

2007-10-10T16:20:00.000+08:00

Everything is permissible for me - but not everything is beneficial.
Everything is permissible for me - but I will not be mastered by anything.
1 Corinthians 6:12

2 major assignments due next week!!! *blueks*
After that, no more assignments!!!! hahahahahhaha. yea man! can't wait.... =)

Neways, am at Starbucks now wif Yixuan, Bak, Yi Qian, Seng Kheng.. haha, Sunny balik d.
yea.. took so many weird random pics... supposely to do marketing and accounts assignment......
muahahahaha... tapi purpose terpesong. oh wellx. *grins*

Of Yixuan*S... and Bak*S... =) so cute hoh both of them?! *Nyek nyek nyek.... sorrie the pics are so tiny... for clearer and more detail pics... can always hop over t0 bak's and yixuan's blog. =p

And lastly, my bro!!! =p hahaha, and mum. *grins* i illegally took a pic of him....=p

Yahz... and yesterday was so tiring!! *bleuks*

drove to subang at 7am. was in library at 8am! met up with Yixuan for accounting assignment at 9am. had lunch at 12pm with Yixuan & Sunny. MCB tutorial at 1pm. Accounts appointment at library again at 3pm. Lepak at Mezzanine floor at 5pm. Had dinner with Vincent until 7.30pm. Reached home at 8pm. Ate cheesecake & chocolate for kononnye "supper". And off to bed at 8.30pm! =)

hahahah, and sleep sleep and SLEEP until next morning at 7am! *grins* and i was still yawning away during lecture today. =p

ANywayz.... haha, one more month!!! i can't wait!!!!! :)

earrings!!

2007-10-07T19:59:00.000+08:00

*bleaks* !!!!!!

hahaha, LOLx. new random word. :)

neways, I can't CAN'T CAN'T believe my bro got his ears pierced!!!!!!! yucks.

hahahaha, *grins* yah!! He went to pyramid with his friends today with my car & came back with one of his ears pierced!! *bleaks*

He asked me whether it was NICE?!?!?! well, haha, i told him what i thought! i said he looked like a girl!!! muahahahahahaha. then he ask me whether really meh? DUH!!!! =p

eeee... why did he have to go pierce his ear..... i feel like pulling the earring out and letting the hole close!! hahahaha, can do it while he's sleeping. =p

Neways, he's still in form 5!!! there's still SPM!!! how can he go do such a thing??????? yoz. i'm so shocked. so so so SO shocked. *bleaks* he's so not allowed to get a tattoo next!!! I'll personally KILL him!!!! Grrr!!!!!

hahaha, i feel like some over-posessive sister. but it's nut-ness!!! eeee..... earrings on a guy??? super wrong!!!! summore it was the shiny shiny kind. =b
keke, anyways..... dad doesn't know!!! *bleaks* i can't imagine what his reaction would be when he finds out. hahaha, he was initially against me piercing my ears!! haha, and i'm a gurl!! LOLx.

..... my bro does the scariest stuff... drive my dad's car without a license!!! and he told me he marah the driving examiner that day on his car exam... which is why he failed his bukit. hahahha, terible. like that also can. Never heard of anyone passing all the test except the bukit just bcos he got mad & marah the officer.

haha, people used to get our voices mix up when we were young. especially my dad!! everytime he called back from office, he would always think i'm my bro & vice-versa! *sweats*
& people say we have the same laugh?! ehhe, and just recently, I wore checked t-shirt with jeans and someone told me I would look like my bro if i just cut my hair short. LOL!!!!

hmmz.. but we're so different in so many other ways. hahaha, dun have that much *guts* to do the things he does..

Newayz, yea.. haha, no matter what. he's still my bro, definitely dislike the things he does, but love the person. :)

i guess i dun understand a single thing that is happening now. it's all so confusing... hmmz, but knowing that even if i'm blur... HE knows it all. Just take control God! ^^

God's ideal

2007-10-06T18:53:00.000+08:00

GOD’S IDEAL

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone
to have a deep soul relationship with another
to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But God, says,
“No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone, with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me,
with having an intensely personal relationship with me alone,
discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.
You will never be able to unite with another until you are united with Me,
exclusive of anyone or anything else,
exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,
and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing,
one that you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the very best.
Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest thing,
keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM,
keep listening and learning the things I tell you,
you just wait, that’s all.

Don’t worry. Don’t be anxious.
Don’t look around at the things others have gotten or that I’ve given them.
Don’t look at the things you think you want.
You just keep looking at Me, or you’ll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you’re ready,
I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would dream of.
You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,
(I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time)
until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me,
and the life I prepared for you,
you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me,
and thus the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love.
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me,
and to enjoy materially and concretely,
the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love.
Know that I love you utterly.
I am God.

Believe it and be satisfied.”

* * * * *

haha, saw this in Benji's blog. =p and i think it's cool!!! *grins*

secret recipe!

2007-10-05T00:01:00.000+08:00

Was Sunny's birthday on wed! =p haha, so a big bunch of us went to celebrate... haha, together with Yi Qian & her boyfriend, Seng Kheng... cos coincidently, it's SK's birthday too! :)
didn't manage to take the pics of the ppl (i think they're SK, Mun Teng & Fish!) sitting parallel to me. haha, yah, the pics are those on the opposite side & beside me. hmmz.. haha, we didn't have time for a group pic. =p & most of the pics are actually in Yi Qian's camera.. hehe. mine are random. ^^
was late for marketing tutorial!!! hahaha. was so stress-ed up. *blueks* but so relieved that marketing group presentation is ova!!! yay!!!!!! :) haha, as well as our *mini horror story*!
awaiting the *mother of all horror* (keke, as Ms. Alice always says)... then is freedom!!! Whoohoo!! ^^

after class, we (bak, sunny, yixuan, me) went mamak! haha, was it to celebrate that we have no more group presentation?? =) hahaha, i'm still so happy it's finally over!!!! but so glad to have you guys as a group!!! kekekekeke.

* * * * * *

then headed off to parade. :) haha, fav. place to lepak alone. but walk for 3 hrs until legs tired. went MPH! haha, then to Toys R' Us!! to World of Sports. to Tropicana Life. to Cold Storage. back to MPH. then to Hush Puppies. and back to Cold Storage! ^^

& it was time to balik. was so JAM-packed. the roads were full of cars like sardins in a can!! & it took me 1 hr ++ to reach home!!! less than half-an-hour upon reaching home, head off to the Uncle Goh place's for prayer lighthouse!

& heard a lot of chunted testimonies!!!! :) it's really chunted!!!! hahaha, encouraging & inspiring!! It's so cool to stand in awe of God's greatness! He really works in mysterious ways that we'll never imagine! Yea.. so whatever your present situation is, hang-on!, have faith in Him & trust that He'll never let you go...pray!! haha, & see Him turn your situation around in His perfect timing!

Haha, i know of countless of times where He always answers me when i call out to Him. In situations where i've totally no control of, when it seems i've reached a point of no return, God truly makes a way where there seems to be no way. I admit i fall at times... haha, many times probably.... but the amazing thing is that He's always faithful even at times when I'm not. & it's so re-assuring to know that He'll always be there & whatever happens, He knows & has the ultimate say.

*grins* yeapz, then after the testimonies, sharing by Uncle Peter about prayer, broke into groups & prayed, & kinda celebrated Jason's birthday with Secret Recipe cake plus there was other yummy food!! haha, yealor.. realize so many ppl's birthday on that day!! ^^

reached home around midnight.... surprisingly mum didn't call to ask me to come back earlier.. hmmz.. ^^

Ohz, btw, there's a lizard in my car!!!!!!!!!!! aiiiz... was trying to be *evil* cos wanted to kenakan the lizard. haha, realized it was on my car's front screen when i was driving to Uncle Goh's hse. so i switched-on the wiper. then it FLEW..... haha, i thought it fell on the road adi. =p

then when i reached the place, the guard wouldn't let me in... so i had wind-down my window. At that moment, i notice the lizard on my car's front screen again. ermz, i think its tail was missing... 1st time seeing a lizard without a tail.

was thinking to myself that it was so stubborn!! still wanna "kacau" me... so i decided to switch on the wiper's water to wet the lizard. hehe, of cos the lizard ran off & i thought it was gone for good! then only i realize my driver's seat window was open & the lizard could have jump in anytime & was so relieved that it didn't!!!

I spoke too soon!!! In a split second i saw the lizard suddenly jumping into my car from outside!!! =p

I started screaming & screaming cos was so freaked-out. & the guard just look at me & started laughing cos he saw what happened!!! haihz.. so memalukan. he didn't even help to find the lizard!!!! somemore still wanna ask me for my IC and all... at that time, just wanted to get out of the car as quickly as possible!!! it was dark outside!!! who knows where the lizard will climb to!

Neways, i think the lizard is still in my car until today. yeerrr.. it probably died-ded inside. hahaha, will have to clean my car adi!!! i dun wanna lizard to rot in my car!!! Keke, & the car so kotor adi.. *paiseh*

btw.. *tee hee* that's all i guess. hahaha, i suka cerita long grandmother story. ^^

do i look that old?

2007-10-04T21:40:00.000+08:00

Went to pump petrol after campuscity today.

and after helping me fill petrol into my car, the petrol station guy, someone around my dad's age.... called me "KAKAK"!!!

*sweats* haha, i just stare at him blankly. ohz.. oh kay... haha, anyway, i thanked him for his help. Then he continue asking, "Ada anak kecil ka?"

hahahaha, yoz. i was speechless. i just smiled and said, "Takdela" and quickly jump into my car & rode off b4 he start making other assumptions. =p

then all the way back home, kept thinking, i look that old meh?? yoz. haha, sedih-nye.

been asked whether i'm pregnant b4 by a lady in the hawker stall. haha, few years back... & the worst thing was like she didn't believe me when i said no. sheesh..

then another time, was in the organic shop, & a small girl around 5 years old came up to me & asked me whether i have any kids! hahahaha, but that was so cute la. i forgotten what i told her adi... but i think i told her they were at home. LOLx. then she asked how old were they...& i said i dunno. *grins*

LOLx. all the *weird-ness. :)

>.<

2007-10-03T08:48:00.000+08:00

Got tagged by Bak!

LOLx. Been in situations and posed with questions similar to this one... but never had an answer.. haha, at least not a proper wan.. the truth is, never really thought about it. =p

Rules :
1. The tag victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover
2. Have to mention the lover's gender
3. Tag 8 other people and leave a comment on their blog
4. If you're being tagged for the second time, tak yah buat lagi ye?
5. Lastly, HAVE FUN!

Gender : Male

My perfect lover will have to be :

1. a Man after GOD's heart :) [i think all else follows *grins*]
2. One who accepts & loves me as i am.
3. faithful
4. someone who understands me
5. easy-going, definitely not rude.
6. errr... handworking? LOLx. =p
7. seriously can't think adi... erm, haha, i personally think guys with pimples/acne? ... on their face are cute!! haha, makes their whole face so pink. =p (i told my bro that last time & he said i'm nuts... am i???) just my thoughts la... haha, not a criteria or anything.
8. .... the person that God approves, haha, & approved by my parents also la! ^^

*LOLx. but no one's perfect rite?.. & i takde masa to be in any b/g relationship right now. hahaha, it's too complicated & i'm so not ready..... still so immature. haha. yes, i'll admit that... :) cos i can't even handle my own stuffs properly... haha, how am i gonna handle two person punye hal?

haha, we'll see what happens when the time comes.. but for now.... haha, so so so so many other things on my mind!!!! hahaha. lagipun got so many good friends!!! hahaha, I'm contended right now d. ^^

yah!! haha, single tapi tak available (for now)..dun ask me!! haha, cos i dun wanna break ur heart... know too well how it feels like. unexplainable. LOLx. unless u happen to fit all the 8 points above. haha, especially the last one. =p anywayz, bukannye anyone cari-ing me also, haha, syiok sendiri. ^^

I wanna tag ...... hahaha, got more than 8 people to tag leh, how to choose....

ermz. haha, anyone who reads this post la. =)

unsaid.

2007-10-02T01:44:00.000+08:00

what's wrong?
nothing.

don't lie...
really nothing la!

why u wanna keep everything to yourself? why u don't wanna share?
...

why? what happened?
nothing happen.

Just say la!
say also no use. not gonna change anything...

How you know?
i know la. don't worry la, it's my own problem.

What problem?
...

* * * * * *

Imagining it in my head. LOLx. i dun wanna be either one...
cos to help, i can offer but really won't be able.
to answer, i could but it really won't change a thing lor.

LOLx. anywayz. just some random babbling. Words ain't enough 2 describe the feeling now.

i like this verse,
Proverbs 16:3 Commit to the Lord whatever you do & your plans will succeed.

it's all YOURS. really. :)

i've seen both sides of the coin. tastes both of the sweetness & bitterness. been at the dependant end & also the controlling end. have received & gave. lost & gain. yet the only thing worth it all is still YOU, have been YOU & will always be YOU alone.

blueks.

2007-10-01T20:26:00.000+08:00

hahaha. today we had guest lecturers from UWE for management!! :)
Ohz.. keke, made me realize how lucky i am to have the lecturers we have now!!! ^^

haha, our UniSA management lecturer, Ms. Suh Zean! :) hahaha, she rocks!!! LOLx. my 1st impression of her was so wrong... hahahaha. ^^

Ms. Alice! (marketing lecturer).. hehe, she speaks really really fast but she's really good & can never mengantuk in her class cos u really can't afford to. =p

Ms. Woo Wai Fun, accounting lecturer!! ^^ i still think she looks a bit like Davin's sister! she's nice too!! muahahahaha, always give us full marks for case study! *grins*

Last but not least, communication in business lecturer, Ms. Sue! Keke, thought most of the lectures and tutorials are *skippable*, we (Bak, Yixuan, me) still always go anyway cos of the lecturer. =)

btw, did i mention the lecturers from UWE programme were.... haha, totally unexpected! UWE is the UK program twinning with University of West of England in Bristol! (keke, i think Marcus is there studying law!)

the 1st lecturer, Ms. Adeline... was..... un*follow*able (she was practically reading her own lecture notes word for word!).... i tried my best to listen but i kept drifting of to dreamland... =p.... hehe, maybe it was bcos of lunch in Bakers Cottage which i had with Yueen Mun & Charlene! but sad to say i didn't catch a single word she said...

oh, i did! haha, something bout operations & chain-value management! ^^

what about it? errr... haha, go read the text book!! :)

The next lecturer, Ms. Daphne... was super SCARY!! almost like the total opposite! she has a way of saying things in a rather sarcastic way.... & she suddenly only call names even though we haven't met her b4.

of the 100++ names she could have called... why did she call for Elizabeth???? haha, i was so shocked..... that i didn't admit myself when she kept calling my name.... hahaha, had to put up my hand eventually, cos everyone was staring at me, and i could tell she was getting angry. *blueks* not that i could answer her question... haha, was too shocked!!

"What is human resource management?"
my brain was blank. so i just covered my face with my hands are laughed. *crazy*

hahaha, i'm guessing that she probably thinks i'm some rude gal.. so she decides to ignore me after that.. hahaha. oh wellx. i made a bad 1st impression... hehe.

Oh yea.. haha, after that was Bak's turn! =p hahaha, suddenly ni she call him & ask him "what's diversity?" *grins* Keke, but he tera!... haha, answer her terus! :)

*terible-ness* me. oHz, btw.. the 1st lecturer also called a few names... haha, Ms. Suh Zean hand-picked around 6 names and gave to the lecturer!!! the 2nd lecturer... hmmz.... the 4 names that she called must have been from Ms. Suh Zean as well.. Yoz!!! why in the world did she give my name when she knows i dunno how to answer her questions!! hehe, Yixuan!!! change name with me.... =p shud have a harder to pronounce name la.. ^^

that was that.

* * * * * *

fast forward to 4pm.

haha, there was this road-show going on in Taylors. bout some contact lens thingy. =p

i thought there were giving free contact lens.. so went and check it out.. padahal it was a competition!! *sweats* it's like.. they will give u a pair of coloured contact lens.. & you're suppose to have your b4 and after pictures taken.

one thing led to another, and i found myself in front of some camera having to pose!!! *AHHHhhhh!!!* how crazy can that be......... hahaha, the fellow keep asking me to relax & give a happy smile. =p

yealor, was fidgetting & really wanted to run away that time adi.

not just once!!! after u had ur so called "natural" photo taken... they make u wear the coloured contact lens... and then... have to get a make-up as well!!!! then they take another pic!!!

sheesh.. okay.. it wasn't that bad actually.. just for one minor mistake the make-up artist made... haha, AHhhh!!!! LOLx. i so didn't know that they were gonna make-up until so drastic sampai need to shape my eyebrows with the blade???

*geram-ness*... haha, i just realize after i reached home & washed that my eyebrows now are uneven. the girl just *killed* my eyebrows!!!! and now i look so weird... haha, one of it is shorter than the other!!!! it's so... weird!!! i look so weird!!! yah!! u shud see the pic after all the make-up... lagi weird!!!! like some.... i duno... hahaha, partly bcos of the green colour contact lens.

and so eeky!!! they use the same lip gloss on everyone!! gals AND guys! eee... dunno how many lips has that *benda* touched... then they used it to spread lip gloss on mine!!! haha, seriously wanted to scream!!

*blueks!!!* anyway.. haha, i reached home & mum's first words was that i look like a "bad girl". haha, duno what that means but oh.. kay.. ^^

Just remind me not to do this kinda stuffs again.. bad experienced.

oh.. did i mention that the one day coloured contact lens were just impossible to take out?

it was so thin & it was like glued to my eye... i spend half-an-hour taking it out compared to the usual of just half-a-minute. I almost wanna nangis cos thought kenot come out adi!! haha, i never squeeze my eyeballs that much b4.. it hurts!!! and now my eyes are all red.

LOLx. so don't look like me!!! haha, can u spot the shorter eye-brow? =p

Neways, enough adventure for a day. =p

Center of my Life

2007-09-30T22:48:00.001+08:00

muahahahhaa.

2007-09-29T10:22:00.000+08:00

ok ok, been like ber-*emo-ing 4 the past one month?!?

time to ber-*hippo-ing instead!! :)

Not that i have anything much to blog about also... haha, brain super fried d. And might end up saying the wrong stuffs. *blueks*

oh wellx. Neways, haha, yesterday must have been a super tiring day! haha, actually just stayed in the library from 1.30pm to 6.30pm! haha, with Yixuan, Bak, Sunny.. basically discussing our marketing assignment & then doing accounts tutorial. still not done... ahha, cos we ended up talking about random stuffs. =p

then mum picked me up after fetching bro from tuition... went home, ate dinner... and by 8pm, was in bed. ^^ ahahah, & only woke up this morning at 7.30am. :)

hahahahaha, i slept my night away!! was so tired!!!! uber uber tired... & had all kinds of weird dreams last nite. beats me. hahaha. ohz, and i kept talking in my sleep!!! yoz.. wouldn't have realized it, if weren't for my mum who kept replying to whatever i said. so freaky. hahaha, then when she replies to whatever i was mumbling in my sleep, I'll wake up and tell her nothing, then balik tido. =p funny!!! yalah.. must be talking to the people in my dreams... hahaha.

the hse so quiet without dad!!! hahahah, but honestly, it's so much more relax!!! muahahahahaha, it's like u can do anything u want, cos dad is not around!!!! =p
like mum says, "when the cat is out, the mouse comes out to play!"

YAY!!!! kekeke, 2 weeks for freedom-ness & less stress!!! OR else everyday, i'll kena marah or kena nag for something, it's either for not switching-off my room's aircon, for messing up the dinner table, for my messy room, for not closing the piano after i use it, for "throwing" my school bag everywhere, for going out to often, for spending too much time in front of the computer... haha, & the list goes on. very stress!!!!!

so yah. that's basically it... :) i feel in twilight zone.... haha, for whatever reasons. & i feel like smacking myself for getting into trouble as i begin to realize i've been the one creating all the mess I'm complaining about. so ironic... yoz! but can't undo it no matter how much it haunts me.. so let's just focus on the future!!! *grins* i can't wait 4 hols in november!!! :)

him. her.

2007-09-27T19:30:00.000+08:00

i don't know how to help her.
she's sitting here right in front of me with her eyes swollen from crying.
i hugged her as tight as i could, yet she kept crying.
i wish i could help her. i wish i could say something that would make things better.
but i'm lost for words.

it's a part of me. she's a part of me. he's a part of me.
if u have a happy functional family, be grateful!

dad's in perth! and bro went & drive dad's merz all the way from k.k to ss15. without mum's permission & knowledge. without a driving lisence. period.

anyway.. there's just so much problems out there in the world.

And senses hit. I've been the one finding problem. from now on, i really don't wanna campur tangan d. haha, actually what my fren said to me is true.. "just keep ur hands to urself". hahaha, he meant it as a joke i think, and it actually sounded like a joke when he said it yesterday.. but it actually make perfect sense today.

maybe that's why i've been doing actually. making my hands busy and trying to help but then ended up making it worse. trying to build something with my hands but end up destroying it. haha, what u said is so true wei...I should learn to keep my hands to myself. =p

thanks 4 the indirect advice!

many words I've heard lately HIT HARD! it hurts.... but only because it's so true... and it's as if it's a wake up call! It's a slap to the face to start waking up and seeing reality instead of living in dreamland!

He said "Insafla"... haha, just one word that....... YOZ. haha, i don't even know how to explain how painful it was to hear that. haha, have to admit to say i was actually angry at him for saying it... when he didn't even kenal me properly. just sum it up from a few meetings.

anyway, i digested his one word to me and it dawned on me that it was so true. It's time to get out this box. it's time to get out of this comfort zone. it's time to move forward instead of backward. HE deserves so much more.

Another said, "Stop pretending la..." a few days back. I was actually super taken aback by that then... ahhaha, and yea, was hurt & angry!!! padahal the fellow didn't do anything & was trying to help me. =p but then thinking bout it, he was right! I was PRETENDING at that time. hahaha, he was so right.... he probably didn't know how messed-up my situation was at that time which caused me to act that way, but he was right!!!! And it was actually bcos of those words that made me told myself that i don't want ppl's pity!! i don't need it!! Btw, I'm glad i finally realize it now.... that the only reason he said that was bcos i needed to hear that. bcos at that time, i WAS acting selfishly. and he pulled me out of that. Thanks!

Today, they said, "Feel like whacking u so u'll wake up!". hahaha, was blur! what wake up??? was wondering what in the world were they referring to? aren't i fully awake already???
LOLx.Oh..no, no, no... i was actually asleep. still wanting things to end up the way i wanted it, wanting things to go my way. but maybe, it's not meant to be that way. and it's true what they say, there's some things that you just gotta let go. there's just some things that you have no control no matter how much time u sow into it, no matter how much effort you put into it. haha, and dwelling on it, would only be growing & nurturing your prison. I'm breaking free!!

Ohz.. haha, so naive of me to think that they were trying to teach me to be mean. but i realize they were teaching me how to survive in this world. they were teaching me to grow up instead of living in my 10-years old world. Things change, situations change, people change. And sometimes you just gotta know when to let go & realize that you really have no control over it. You gotta know when to draw the line & know when to stop.

I think i've push too much, & i'm just gonna stop. i'm gonna stop worrying about what you think about me. I'm gonna stop letting my whole emotions be dictated by you. not gonna go against what i believe in bcos of you. not gonna go against my principles bcos of you. not gonna take in anymore of your accusation & condemnation. I'm gonna get rid of these unnecessary guilt i'm carrying which u clearly do not see. Gonna stop all these tears that fall bcos of you which u obviously don't know of. Gonna stop putting myself in your shoes because it's just killing me.

You seriously don't know how hard i try to make you happy, and maybe you don't care. You don't see the struggle i go through just to make sure you're alright or all the thoughts running it my head wondering whether you're alright. But you know what? I give up. haha, yes. cos everything around me is telling & showing me it's not worth it... and i realize it really isn't. We're going round & round in circles and still back at square 1! The thing is... maybe I don't know where I'm trying to go in doing all this... maybe i'm the one making things worse.

You know what? I just wanna say sorry even if u say it doesn't change anything anymore. And even if you hate me, maybe i honestly don't mind anymore... cos it seems like whatever i do, it's gonna upset you anyway, so why try. I've drained out my energy.... & really have nothing else to offer you. The least i could give, u refused it... so I guess I'd rather pull back than let you step all over me bcos then there'll be nothing left of me than it is now.

The truth is, there really wasn't anything in the 1st place. can't u see how our beliefs clatch? how our principles differ? how we never seem to see eye-on-eye on things? how we fight over the simplest matter and it's just hurting both of us? how all this is just an endless roller-coaster ride that is not gonna bring us to neither of our destinations... so we might as well jump off and go our separate ways. At least even if it ends now on a bad note, at least there'll still be memories... even though honestly, all that fills my head is the tears and frustration. I don't wanna hurt you anymore that i already have.... and i seriously can't continue like this bcos i'm walking aimlessly.

and i so desperately want to go home. sorrie if i gave you the wrong messages. but i really did all that as a friend...nothing more, but i realize.. it seems u can never treat me as one... so I'll back off. Just so you know, I never wanted anything more than friendship, so there's nothing 4 u to regret. not worth regretting over this matter anyway. I'm not complicating stuff, cos you don't know even know me. Just as how i really don't know you. I'm seriously confused. seriously blur. seriously don't know what's happening... but u know what? thinking bout it, trying to reason out with you about it, trying to deal with it, having sleepless nights over it, is not getting anywhere.

u already know what i offered. if you think i'm fake, u think i'm selfish, u think i'm heartless, u think i'm evil, u think i'm crazy, u think i'm just giving excuses,...... whatever u think la, up to u la, cos it hurts too much to think bout it! I keep thinking so much about how u would feel, keep guarding my words so they would not hurt you but have u ever thought about mine? have u ever thought about your actions and their consequences and how i would feel? just so u know, i'm not blaming u, i'm not putting the blame on anyone. but all this is really meaningless as far as this goes.

"They say that time changes things, but actually, you have to change them yourself" Andy Warhol

i think that is true. time only puts you in the position that either u forget, or continue living in self-pity, denial, or dwell in ur situation. u change how u feel, how u perceive things, how u deal with things.... and once you make that decision to change & live your life changed, that's when changes happen. gonna stop carrying this burden alone!!!!! & u better stop carrying urs too cos all this is just plain nut-ness.. bah.

i offered my hand of friendship, but it seems that it's not what you want or need... thanks 4 letting me know. thanks 4 everything... I'm heading back home now... just as how u're tired, i'm tired too. sorry for draining you out. sorrie 4 trying to fix things my way. I won't disturb you anymore. period.

confused.

2007-09-26T17:24:00.001+08:00

I've never felt as lost as now. never felt as confused as now as to what to do.

Would u jump in and save someone who's drowning if you knew that if you jump in to, u'll probably drown together.... or are you just gonna stand at the sidelines and watch someone go down???

Would u go into a burning house to save your friend knowing the fire would most probably engulf the both of you or are you just gonna stand outside and see them perish in the flames and live with that regret all your life?

And i somehow know if i ask ur opinion, u'll ask me to just stay out of it... but a part of me is so stubborn. It refuses to listen. And i know it would rather jump in and drown together than just stand & ignore.

it would run into the burning hse even if there's a big possibility that both will perish. cos either way, it hurts. either way, i drown. either way, i get burned.

i'm so confused!!! why are u doing this 2 me??....

how do u expect me to just look and act as if it doesn't mean a thing when it actually does?
how do u expect me to ignore when i simply can't...

u don't.

2007-09-26T00:39:00.000+08:00

u don't need me. :)

i'll dissapoint you. i'll break ur heart. i'll make u cry. people might turn u away.
but HE will never.

In a room full of people, in a crowd of friends, in the midst of conversations,
I feel alone too.

In the midst of problems, trials, sufferings, confusion,
I feel lost too & often do not know who to turn to.

Who would understand? Who has been through it all except HIM?
Hahaha, if there's anything i can say is that I really can't be who you want me to be, but i know God can be your friend. :)

*grins* I know u'll probably say i'm nuts. but it's true... He's the bestest friend, teacher, counsellor, father, God that u could ever ask for.

At ur lowest moments, when it seems u're all alone in this fallen world, He has promised to always be there for you if only you'd let HIM.

Nothing you've done could make Him love u less & nothing u do can make Him love you more.. cos He's love is unconditional.

haha, i dunno how to explain...u've got to experience Him for yourself to know. :) seriously. only His love can fill u so much that u won't need anything else.

Life may not be smooth-sailing all the way, but as least you'd know you have someone you can always turn to, someone who will always be there even when the whole world walks out, someone who will never dissapoint you, someone you can pour your heart out to, someone who will walk with you all the way, someone who gives you words of encouragement when life is hard, someone who carries your burden if only u'd let Him, someone who died for your sins so that u could have eternal life, someone who knew you b4 u were born, someone who accepts you fully as you are and calls you His, someone you can truly be yourself with.

Hahaha, if there's the one greatest thing I really wanna share with you, it'll be Him. :) And... haha, NO. don't say that He doesn't have time for you cos there's so many people... haha, He's God!! He's everywhere, omnipresent, alpha & omega, beginning & the end!!

LOLx. no, u dun have to understand it all now.. u just gotta TRUST Him! :) u say u trust me, rite? yes!! so trust that i would neva lie to you about Him... ^^

Of cos I'll be your friend, but i may not be able to always be there for you just like how you want me to... but HE can. I know u'll say that u want me, not Him... hahaha, but you really don't know how much He has to offer you until u reach out to that hand that has been held out to you even when u could not see. You won't know what you've been missing until you've experienced Him! ^^

really!!!!! haha, u know how come u can say it seems like i can move on? HIM.
u know why it seems easier for me? HIM.
the reason i can keep moving on even when times seem impossible? HIM.
when all hope seems gone & it seems that life is not worth living anyone, it's worth holding on bcos of HIM.

haha, haihz... just as you don't know what else to say already... I really also don't know what else to say except this. Just really wanted you to know this. :)

Confusion overrides sanity.

2007-09-26T00:04:00.000+08:00

somehow i know i'm doing it all wrong, yet why do i find myself still doing it?it's one thing to know something, another thing to act upon it...

who's to dictate what's the right or wrong thing to do?
who's to say u're insane and i'm not?

People tell me different things. You tell me a different thing. I tell myself all sorts of things.
it's confusing. =p

i'd rather not fall if u're not gonna be there to catch me.

the same goes, i'd rather u not fall cos i know i can't catch you.

and it probably makes it so much harder bcos i keep putting myself in your shoes!!

haihz.. what am i to do?

i know how it feels. or somewhat a glimpse of it. i know how impossible it is to forget. i know how hard it is to concentrade when *it's* all u have in your mind. i know how the feeling sometimes overides sanity. i know how much it can break u or lift u up.

but IT IS POSSIBLE. the thing is... i wouldn't have pulled thru without God. without Him, i wouldn't be able to overcome it & rise above it. but then, i keep thinking bout u.... about who'll be there 4 u if u refuse to let HIM heal you.

i duno whether i'm making things worse, I probably am.
but what else do i do?

Maybe it's time i learn to let go too...
maybe they're right after all, holding on would only be hurting u more than i already have.
maybe i need to let go, b4 u can let go too...

the thing is... i hate to think what u would be thinking.

u think i'm heartless... but it's only bcos u don't see the hurt, the tears, the pain.
u say i'm moved on.... but u don't know i can't, until u move on too!
u think i'm gotten over it... but what prove have you got?

Just bcos i don't show it outwardly doesn't mean it doesn't effect me any less than it does to you.
just bcos i refuse to let others know, doesn't mean it's not eating me inside.

I know i should just get on normally, just as how u think i've already done...
but i hate to admit that i find that so hard to do.

the right thing to do would have been to ignore u so that u can let go,
but i was too stubborn. sorry.

I desperately need.....

2007-09-23T14:13:00.000+08:00

..... a MIRACLE!!! =p

outing.

2007-09-21T21:55:00.000+08:00

*grins* Guess how many pics there was in my camera???? 130!!!! (all taken in the span of 3 hrs in Swensens & in the car....)

since pictures are worth a thousand words, haha, I think I'll let it do the talking. :)
We met at 3pm. haha, so i don't know what you would call this. Tea break?! We were the only customer in the entire shop!!! *tee hee* Ohz... haha, and we ate dessert 1st, then only the main meal. =pwas uber uber uber full after that!!! hahaha, i was initially still full from lunch! Yea.... so after that we took plenty of pics like it was no one's business.... U can imagine all the workers there.... kept staring at us.... was hilarious! ^^Was fun! :) muahahahahaha.

Then jalan-jalan for a while at Parade b4 heading off to ss15 to fetch my bro from tuition.
We had 45mins in the car while waiting... so what else could we do?!?!?! Ohz.. a big bunch of the pictures have been emitted cos they're... hahaha, just plain weird.
Muahahahaha, i doubt i've ever taken this much photos in one outing b4!! =p

Btw, yea.. haha, the people!! ------->

Hahaha, can't bliv we went out!! LOLx. the last time i remembered hanging just 3 of us was in form 3 during school hrs!! Btw, I had an awesome time! thanks. :)

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

2007-09-21T01:10:00.000+08:00

Love is patient, Love is kind,
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud, It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.

Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

L o v e N e v e r F a i l s.

hmmmz..

2007-09-20T23:24:00.000+08:00

try guessing how i'm feeling now?

haha, FRUS. frus frus frus!!! & i don't even know why...

or maybe i do. but what difference does it make... haha, I'm too stubborn. =p

Neways, haha, I can't wait for the end of the year to come!! haha, HOLIDAYS!!
LOLx. I know.. 2 more months ni!! can u believe it?? hahaha, yea man!

SYIOK!!! :)

*yay* G12 on sat nite!!! & finally going out with Yin & Su Yi tomoro. LOLx. we're been like planning this outing since a year ago. the irony. haha. finally!

oOps.... haha, did i mention i haven't finish my assignment yet??!! hahaha, this must have to be one of the most unproductive hols.. haha, and yes, I'm gonna blame a big chunk of it on facebook!

haha, Sumi. u're right.. it's the devil. haha. what have i gotten myself into????!!

Moving on... dad's going to Perth to visit Jon! for 2 weeks!!! hahaha, i so wish i could follow him there. :)

hmmz.. will it be Perth. Brisbane. Canberra. Melbourne. Adelaide. (or somewhere else?)
..... definitely not M'sia! LOLx. dun get me wrong though.. malaysia rocks! haha, or else i would have been long gone 2 years ago.

i need a plan!! i need a goal!! haha, i think it's time to start planning.. *grins*
Yah.. haha, it took me so long to realize that!! =p

wellx, better late than never, rite? ^^

Miracles.

2007-09-19T20:58:00.000+08:00

..... do happen. :) really.

faith.

2007-09-19T01:33:00.000+08:00

An exciting life is a life of faith!! :)

::Faith is the currency of the kingdom of heaven. Withour faith, it is impossible to please GOD::

It's about seeing what you believe in, not the other way around. *grins*

I want a breakthrough!!!! wakakakakakakakakaka.
Faith without works is dead. haihz..

so no use i keep on complaining complaining complaining and not doing anything bout it. hahaha, yes. i realize sometimes i end up wallowing in self-pity. =p

bad bad habit. so here goes! Let's move on!!!! =)

move on. move on. move on.
step out in faith. live like HE's gonna make a way, because He is! haha, even if circumstances seems otherwise, it's not about seeing through physical eyes, but spritual eyes!!

I'm ready to live a new life of faith with HIM!

hahaha, everyone else will dissapoint you, except HIM.
everyone makes promises which they can't always keep, except HIM.

if there's anyone worth loving with all your heart, it's HIM. :)
seriously, haha, give ur heart to anyone else, and risk it being broken into million pieces.

Bad times, happie times!!

2007-09-18T15:14:00.000+08:00

Ecclesiastes 7:14 When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.

Times may be bad. I may be confused. Friendships may have been lost. We may be frustated.

but GOD is still GOOD! :)

if i never complain when He pours His blessings over my life, why should i complain when times of trials come my way?

I may have fallen but I'll get up again! =p there. that's what i think. what doesn't kill u makes you stronger!

* * * * * *

hahaha, *tee hee* dad found out what i did last nite... lupa "destroy" evidence. =p

LOLx. but he's super nice.. he didn't scold me or anything. i guess he understood. Thanks DAD!!!
i....... err, promise i won't do it again. ^^

super itchy now!!!! cho.. haha, i totally dislike the side effects. i dun like being allergic to stuffs!!!!

* * * * *

I can't pretend & neither can i be real cos either way, you shoot me down.
does it even make sense???
I don't even know what to say or react anymore.
If u're not willing to hear what i really feel, or you think I just want your self-pity...
then just lupakan it okay.... don't ask me how i am. just don't.

it's like i have to pretend i'm okay just bcos i know that's what you want to hear.
does it even make sense???
I'd rather you don't ask. then i wouldn't have to lie to you...
Either way, my answer is not gonna satisfy you. it's not gonna satisfy anyone. so there!

seriously. hahaha, sometimes i just don't get it. Sometimes i try my best to be strong becos I thought that's what u wanted, but then u asked me "why do i act as if i don't care????" Just bcos my outside seems fine doesn't mean my inside is not all crumbled up!! And when i finally just let go of myself & my emotions, you ask me to stop acting like that & stop pretending..????

so either way i'm pretending?? so what is real?? u tell me! i really don't know anymore.

I'm fine, ok? that's what u want to hear, rite? that'll make u feel happy, rite??

so yah. I'm fine. don't ask me how i am becos no matter how messed up my life is right now, I'm gonna tell you it's just fine. it's great!! =)

But then u're gonna ask me how i can just move on so fast & forget about everything. Yea, right!!!! Can't you see that all this is for you??? Is to show you that YOU can move on too??!!! It's to make it easier for you to move on??!!! Do you know how much it hurts pretending it doesn't mean a thing to me when it actually matters a whole big deal??? Do you know how confusing it is to act a certain way when what i'm feeling is the exact opposite? When i laugh, u ask me what am i laughing about??... can't you see that this smile is just a mask for the tears??? And then when i break down and cry, you ask me to laugh????!!!!!

I don't need ur self-pity!!! SHeesh!! I don't! I'm perfectly fine & just forget all about yesterday, okay? I'm fine!! yesterday never happened, we never happened, nothing ever happened. Hahaha, cos i seriously don't know who are you anymore.

Not gonna run away from this. Or change this to anything else than it is. haha, if it's a bad time... then let's get thru it!!! hahah, i'm tired of trying to change it to happy times.... let's just get through this & learn from it, okay?

haha, life ain't a bed of roses so don't expect it to be that. and pls pls don't talk to me about it anymore cos i'll just burst at you! hahaha. there... u wanted to know what i think. this is what i think!

friends. =)

2007-09-18T13:05:00.000+08:00

It's the ones you can call up at 4:00 a.m. that really matter. ~Marlene Dietrich

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. ~Henri Nouwen

To the one whom despite being asleep, picked up my call at 3am in the morning.
Who listen, cared without judging.
Who did not give any advice, but instead the best gift anyone could ever offer at that time, her presence & full attention.
Who did not press for details but was the only one who stayed when it really mattered.

To the one whom despite only knowing for 2 years and being separated for 4 years, yet was the friend whom could always be called on.
Not someone that gives advices & solutions, but someone that was silent yet spoke more comfort than words could ever do.
Who is able to empathize because she's been there b4.

To the one whom has always been there in time of need & have never asked for anything else in return.
Who offered the hand of friendship that is truly the most precious thing God has given.
Who listened to endless sobbing & wailing without knowing what was happening.
Someone who was always willing to share her tears & hurt and is really the best "anak" & friend i could ever ever ask for.

Su Yi! haha, i wouldn't have survive last night without you. really. thank you so so much. =) hahaha, love u like crazee...

day out.

2007-09-17T20:45:00.000+08:00

oh yea. i went pyramid with Li Lian 2day. was the paling random thing i ever did. =p

haha, was on9 after lunch. then saw Lil on9 and she asked me where was i. I said at home.

It was 3pm. She asked me whether i wanted to go out to pyramid. And at 4pm, I found myself in pyramid after a quick shower and all. Haha, drove all the way there without giving much thought about anything.

so what did we do? hahaha, basically just jalan-jalan cari makan & *yak yak yak* away...

Ohz.. i realize everytime we both go out to pyramid, we always end up at Guardian's personal care place, and I'll be playing with all the sample make-up stuffs! muahahahaha, very the fun wei!! can use the stuffs for FREE!!!! =p

Anywayz, LIL!! next time u gotta help me eat the fries!!! Yoz. haha, yah.. was so stress-out. So kept finding comfort food here and there. Ate chocolate + cookies & cream ice cream!!! muahahahahaha. And then later on fries from Manhatten Fish Market! *grins* was superlicious mian!!! reached home around 7pm.. haha, but b4 that went to ADP library to return my overdue books! can u bliv my fine is RM 8???? *faints*

but was so bloated after that... ahha, so Lil had to keep me awake with her stories. & updates! =) yeap yeapz. it was good catching up with her after such a long LONG time. i miss SAM. LOLx. i miss the uncomplicated-ness. ^^ but then again, there were down-in-the-dumps moments as well. but i miss G14 classmates.... haha, the end-less laughters in classes. Davin's laughters!! =p

miss going 4 morning prayer group at SAM courtyard. =) still remember the very very 1st time - was only Ann-Nyee, Joshua, Sumi, Jovial and me. haha, felt super sesat then.. but grew together with it after that. ^^

LOLx. i'm just *emo-ing* thinking of all the memories. And they're all gone to Aussie too!!!

Anywayz.. haha, yea.. I miss the simple-ness of things! hmmz.. why did everything have to be so complicated? hahahah, or was i the one who messed it all up? ^^

Wakakakakaka, ignorance IS BLISS!! :)

is THIS fattening??

2007-09-17T19:41:00.000+08:00

*grins*
hahahaha, yes. almost everyday i get asked this question... =p

by who? well, most comes from my bro,.. and occasionally from my mum.

at 1st.. it was normal.. haha, then it started becoming quite... haha, *weird* and *mengeramkan* cos he kept on asking me for what seemed like every single thing.

"McDonald's fillet o' fish is not fattening, rite?"

"Is chicken fattening?"

"Lamb is not fattening right?"

"Ice-cream is fattening, right?"

"If eat biscuit, will become fat ah?"

"Milk won't make you fat, right?"

"Is rice fattening?"

"Will carbohydrates make you fat?"

"Eating fries is fattening right?"

LOLx. yea.. until i kenot tahan d.. ahha, so i finally asked him, "why u keep on asking me this kinda stuff wan?"

to which he reply..."oh, cos i thought you study this kinda stuff b4 ma.."

Hahahaha, then it hit me. oh.. ic!!! =)

Cho. haihz.. but how to answer that kinda questions... haha, if u eat anything in excess, of cos la fattening...

But if eaten in moderation and the energy eaten is burned by physical activities.. then won't be fattening lor!!! =p

*grins* i actually didn't want to study nutrition and dietitics cos didn't wanna be so "obsess" with this kinda stuff... haha, mana tahu kena bombarded with questions... about FATS??

hmmmz... nampaknye kenot run away.. haha. u're right lah Yueen Mun, maybe it's bcos of denial.. oh mian.. haha, i quit my course cos of denial??? hmmz.. maybe also. ^^

but takpe takpe, hahaha, much more relieved after quitting it. kekeke.

Leavin.. >.<

2007-09-16T23:22:00.000+08:00

They're all flying off!! =p

Hmmz.. *sigh* Everyone is flying off to study one by one!! haha, I feel some what like a sesat person back here. =p LOLx. but i still think Malaysia rocks anyways. ^^

Marcus is leaving to UK soon.. haha, i think in a few more hours.. haha
And Wan Yie's leaving on the 18th!! Cho. my 2nd "hubby".. hahaha. The 1st wan.. haha, got someone else d!! LOLx. Anyways, don't start thinking bukan-bukan. cos whatever you think it is, it's not! =p

Yea.. haha, most of my secondary mates all fly off to further studies d... especially the sri Kl peeps.. and ss17 too! muahahahaha, but still have Yin & Su Yi ere even though hardly get to meet them d.. And majority of G14 classmates are missing duno where!! And the biomed ppl will be going Newcastle next year... haha, *grins* I would have been going to if i had stayed back.

neways, haha, no regrets!! =) I likey my course now.. haha, and my coursemates/classmates too!! Muahahahaha, blessed to have met awesome ppl ere!! but most of them are staying back 3 years here!! Aikz.. i *dislike* starting all over again.. haha, macam takde break like that.. kenot get to settle down a just one place. macam some nomad ni.. =p

shud i? shud i not? hahaha, i might... i would anyway.. just depends when.. haha, shud i "buy" some more time ere?? ^^

Sorrie. i think i'm confusing u guys... haha, I'm pretty confused myself.. about lots of things!! LOLx. okay, gotta start looking at the *bigger picture*... hahaha. hmmz.. what's the picture i'm suppose to see again?? =p

Oh wellx. Life's only an adventure cos the future is unforceen. haha, if all were predictable, how unexciting.. hoh? random decisions gonna lead to random outcomes! *grins*

Actually.. i have a lot of things to say.. but don't know how to express myself properly..haha, so these are all my thought jumbled up. There! haha, gotta start doing assignments tomolo!! yea!! ahha, btw, I had a blastin weekend!! actually wrong concept- shud be suffer 1st, enjoy later... haha, but then again, I'm the kind of person who gets semangat from doing things last minute.. =b

focus gal... FOCUS!!! Keep ur eyes where it's meant to be!! =p on God!!! *nyek nyek nyek*

fire.

2007-09-15T23:59:00.000+08:00

elizabeth is nuts. haihz.. she's so stubborn. she's crazy. someone smack her real hard and bring her back to reality!!!!!

why in the world does she keep playing with fire even through she gets burn every single time???
why does she go find trouble when there's none???

It's like suddenly she's drawn to trouble. silly-ness. AHHH!!!
GOD hold me back!!!!!!!!

ARgh... i can't even believe this is happening!!! hahahahaha. I don't wanna play with this fragile stuff.... but why do i keep getting involved??? why???

someone tie up my hands and legs. someone close my mouth. so if ever i wanna run back after i've push you away, i can't. so if ever i wanna go against my own words, i won't.

i'm so silly, Lord... why? why am i doing this? why am i doing this to him? why am i doing this to myself? why am i doing this to YOU??? I wanna control all this but things are getting out of hand.. and maybe i'm the one making it worse.

smack me!!! Argh... i need YOU to guard my heart & mind God. it's unfair..... it's so unfair to him.... haihz.. LORD..... u gotta HOLD ME back.. just HOLD me and never let me go.

haihz... haha, just leave me be!! =p can't u see that's it's all gonna hurt you?????? don't make me fall. don't make me fall. don't make me fall!!!! i refused to fall!!! haha. LOLx.

maybe i'm the one who can't let go. so you gotta let go... so that i can learn to let go.... =p
you gotta be the one who hurt me, b4 i end up being the one that hurts you....

don't u get it??
haha, i thought you're the one who's so stubborn but i think it hits me that i'm the one that's stubborn. ^^

why in the world does she keep playing with fire when everyone warn her not to.. what will it take for her to stay away? what will it take for her to understand?

eli o eli.. wake up already!!!! WAKE UP!!

o.O

2007-09-14T22:22:00.000+08:00

introducing.....haha, he's so cute rite??? =p hmmz.. unfortunately he's not mine.. haha, i "kidnap-ed" him... muahahahahahaha. but then.. wanted to return him today, but the owner tak mau...

cho. =p LOLx. maybe cos i "contaminated" it liauz... aiyoz.. haha, oh wellx. kesian the little fellow, gotta *suffer* with me some more. wei, owner!! he crying to go home adi la.. wakakakakaka. but surprisingly (haha, or maybe not..) the lil fello still can smile so widely. =p

patrick says to tell him when he can goes home.. ^^ so yea.. haha, do tell me.

deamin.

2007-09-14T21:25:00.000+08:00

Heya all.

haha, been MIA if any of u noticed. =p neways, a lot a lot A LOT of things has happened lately. LOLx. i can't even begin to explain it all.

been drained out. haha, but it's all good for now! Finally, to enjoy the long awaited semester break!! =)

*grins* not exactly a break.. haha, it's supposely a "study break"... cos there's major assignments due immediately after the hols. haha, it's plural!! not singular.. =p

Haven't started but yes!! haha, I need to get to it real soon!!!

Anywayz, what has my past 2 weeks been like?? haha, you wouldn't be able to imagine. cos neither would i ever ever thought that such a thing would happen to me. hmmz.. haha, let's just say it's totally inexpectable. very complicated situation... =p

I would descibe it as somewhat fairy-tale like... but also a nightmare at the same time. It's like those complicated love stories you watch in the movies... haha, that's what it feels like to me. And honestly, it ain't fun being the main character okay.. hahaha, would much rather be watching these kinda scenerios in movies than being the one involved directly. At least you'll know that the movie would most probably have a happy ending. ^^

I'm actually super confused at the moment. Like living in blur-ness.. haha, and the confusion seems to be taking over my sanity day by day. But yea, holding on.. believing that God has His plan. I seriously don't know what.. but trusting Him. haha, it's hard.... and it'll probably seem less trivial than it actually is.... but I'm glad I have awesome friends around (keke, u gals/guys know who you are, rite? ^^) & a chunted-fied GOD!

gotta think positive mian!! haha, or else would probably have gone *totally insane* by now.
hahaha, ya.. can imagine it hoh! =p

Hmmz..Lord, sometimes i seriously don't know what i'm doing.. pls grant me wisdom. =) I desperately need it... I desperately need YOU!

confused.

2007-09-14T18:02:00.000+08:00

the more i think about it, the more i realize that maybe it's not about you, maybe it's me.

you're not the one needing help, i am.
you're not the one who needs to let go, it's me.
you're not the one who's crazily obsess, i am.

am i???
i dunno.. the more i think about it, the more confused i get and i seriously don't know what i want anymore.

but they don't understand, do they?
they ask me to ignore you, to not talk to you..
should i listen?... or am i just being stubborn?

I have so many words to say, but they come out as tears..
I questioned endlessly why He had to allow all this to happen...
I question why you can't just let go and forget..

but it hits me that I'm the one who can't let go. I'm the one who needs to learn to forget...

The more i think about it, the more confused i get. And who's to understand?
Different people tell me different things.. who do i follow?
My heart and my head contradicts each other.
I don't even know what i want, how do i expect you to know?

Lord, release me from all this!! I don't wanna fall... i don't want. You're all i need and nothing more... Haha, i don't even know whether i can get through this in one piece. I'm all broken inside and only you know.

I understand, that's why it hurts.
I know it's easier said than done, that's why i can't bring myself to tell you.
I don't know what i want, so how do i tell you?
I don't know what i feel anymore, so how do i share?
I wanna push you away, but then i end up running back after you... it doesn't even make sense.

I wanna stop myself from hurting you, but i end up hurting myself.
I don't know what's happening, i seriously don't.
confused to the max...

Let Me Go

2007-09-11T22:18:00.001+08:00

i don't know what to say or do anymore...Lord, help..

Being single.. rocks!!

2007-09-11T19:41:00.000+08:00

=) muahahahaha. u know what? Being single rocks!!

Yea yea!! who want's to be attached??? definitely NOT ME. at least not now...

So.. i'm still gona stand my ground! and nothing you do is gonna make me move cos i'm stronger now! i'm firmer!!!

and therefore... i honestly think i should not get into any realtionship until i've graduated from uni. haha, seems like far far away from now.. but i think it's worth waiting. =p
and btw, keke, kinda promised God i'll "date" Him for a year b4 anyone else.

do u know how freaky it can get when a guy suddenly gets super desperate??
haha, or a girl for that matter... LOLx. been there, done that. =p
I never wanna encounter such thing again..

i seriously don't get it... why make someone fall when you're not gonna catch him/her?

and why would you wanna force someone into a relationship? why? if you say you love him/her, then how can you bear to make him/her suffer by pushing them further?

do u know how tiring all this is? haha, i'm not ready to get myself into this kinda this...
i admit i masih immature. =)

anyways, i realize how important it is to stand your grounds. to have your principles. to not be moved from what you believe in.

you wanna know when you pushed me beyond your limits? was when you said what you should have never say. when you talked about HIM, when you don't even know HIM. was when you hurt me by commenting inaccurately about the one person who matters most in my life.

i'm not angry at you.. cos i do know that you don't understand fully. but then, how can you say you respect me? how do i tell you it'll never be cos we live in different worlds, we have different beliefs, different value system.....

and how can u ask me to give my life to you when my whole life belongs to HIM?
AHHHHHH. budak, i'm sorry. i just hope and pray that one day you'll understand.
that one day, soon enough, you'll discover HIM for yourself and realize you never "needed" me.. you never needed me to be happy. you never needed me to give meaning to your life. all you need and ever will need... is HIM. Jesus.

Thanks for the memories.. but i seriously honestly wish that you could move on. and yes, let go and just forget about it if that's what it takes. let go. i know you can. It's not worth ruining your life because of this. don't let...pls don't let my answer dictate how you feel. c'mon budak!! you're strong!! don't let this affect you!!

ARGH!!! why in the world must all this happen?? why let him fall for someone that can't be there to catch him? why give hope when there's none? why end this way? why start this way?

........... the best is just to surrender it to GOD. i can control how i feel, but how do i get you to understand? how do i make you see? i have no control.... i can't force you to forget.. i can only pray that He'll help you. That He'll heal the hurt i cause.. the agony.
I'm sorry. I'm not worth it okay!!! Just move on!!!! Just let go!!!!!

i know it's hard.... but you gotta try. i can't take care of you..... i'm sorry..

hmmz

2007-09-09T20:56:00.001+08:00

haha, what's the use of a blog if i can't even lepaskan all my perasaan??

LOLx. i dun see the point.

sheesh. fine. >.<

sori.

2007-09-09T20:38:00.000+08:00

i'm really sorry. but i can't give Him up. He is all i have and all i need and nothing else can substitute Him. without Him, i wouldn't even be here. without Him, i'm as good as dead. without Him, life ain't worth living. i'm sorry if i hurt you, i never ever meant to, i'm sorry if i gave you false hope, i never ever meant to play with your feelings, i'm sorry i can't give you the answer you want, cos i just can't. i can't. not now. i don't know when, but not now. i'm not asking you to wait, because that would be unfair to you. i don't expect you to understand either, because it would be unfair to ask that. i seriously don't know what to do lorr... seriously. it seriously hurts that you keep asking and i have to turn you down. i don't know what else to say. i know you've said everything and i understand. i get what you mean. but do you understand that i just can't? tired d. tired. i know you're tired too. i know it would be too much to ask you to forget it all. but i'm really sorry. sorry. i don't know how it ended up like this. i didn't realize when i made you fall. i didn't realize when i crossed the line. don't ask me!

déteste

2007-09-09T20:29:00.000+08:00

je vous déteste que je vous déteste je vous déteste vous avez dit que vous ne me blesseriez pas mais vous avez juste brisé mon coeur dans deux. Arrêtez-le correct ? n'osez pas la parole que vous m'aimez quand vous évidemment don't. partez juste loin loin. j'aime Jésus et seulement lui.

vous ne savez pas combien vous me blessez... pourquoi êtes vous faisant ce ... pourquoi ? ? ? si vous m'aimez vraiment, laissez-moi vont.

Argh!! i dun even know what else to say adi... LOLx. this is all so weird. =p

exhausted..

2007-09-08T15:20:00.000+08:00

physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually tired. TIRED. exhausted. EXHAUSTED!!

emo-ness strikes unknowingly. sheesh.. of all times. don't it knows that i can't afford to go nuts now....

haha, don't ask me what's wrong cos i seriously don't know. tired. drained out. ironically, from hardly doing anything!! =p

not ready for another roller-coaster ride. there's so many things i wanna say, so many questions i wanna ask, so many answers i want to hear, but the words aren't coming out... it's so frustrating keeping it in!!

yet i know even if i remain silent, You still can hear me. even if i don't utter a single word, You understand it all...

even if it's all so messed up now. even if nobody understands. even if i feel the whole weight of the world is on my shoulder. even if there's no one to turn to.

quitting & running away ain't an option. haha, U need not have put me through all this experience U know... U could have just send ppl along the way to teach me... U could have made me see all these things without me having to go through it, right??? U were more than enough for me & U still are!! :)

U know what i've said already right? are U testing me? haha, what do U want me to do? what are U trying to tell me? LOLx. it need not have been such a drastic action to get my attention right?? haha, this way? why now? haihz.. why strike my weakess point?

haha, anywayz. won't go anywhere asking why.. so ... haha, WHAT? what is it U're trying to show me? i'm all ears, haha, just say it. =p seriously.. don't leave me like this. I know wherever you love leads me will me where your grace shall keep me. hahaha, LEAD. i promise i'll follow.

bcos of u, i'm willing to count it all loss. just as long as it's UR say. not mine. He makes all things beautiful in His time...

Who am I (Casting Crowns)

2007-09-05T03:37:00.001+08:00

Who am I?

2007-09-05T03:29:00.001+08:00

hehe, *grins*
hmmmz.. sometimes i wish i had better control over my words & actions.

that impulse wouldn't just grip me and suddenly i turn into someone i'm not.
haha, something like dr.jekyll & mr.hyde.

i start laughing for no particular reason & start acting so childish. haha, and it's weird, bcos it's like i'm so aware of it yet it's like there's a limited control over it.

hmmmz.. haha, if you hadn't see me gone "mabuk" past midnite, u haven't seen all of me. =p
and if anyone can understand me when i'm at that phase, haha, i seriously *tabik* you mian..

cos most ppl freak out. i think i would as well. ^^

would you run away and distant yourself from me if you knew what a nutty person i can be?
haha, i won't blame you if you did..

Neways, haha, if you think i'm serious & quiet, haha, then you'd be super surprise if you knew the other side of me. My friend just told me i'm like 2 different person... am i?

sometimes i think i'm gettin pretty confused myself... =p

hmmz... who am i, Lord? who am i? ...
I need YOU so badly to lead me back... don't let me stray...

Don't let me lose myself... hold me back. Just do what it'll takes to keep me grounded in YOU. even if it hurts me, i'd rather be found in YOU than anywhere else.

Just don't leave me... pls.. just promise me that YOU'll walk beside me all the way, that's all i need....

Effective communication skills. =p

2007-09-04T23:05:00.000+08:00

*grins* ape ni??!!! haha, they're brinjals! hehe, so cute right? ^^ Brinjals are super delicious!!! muahahahahahaha.

Neways.. yea. Commuication... haha, just realize how important it is... to get your message across accurately..

But they are so many barriers!! haha, so how???

sometimes silence is better if there's gonna be misinterpretation.. hoh???
^^

stop. >.<

2007-09-03T01:09:00.000+08:00

haha, STOP!!! cos i won't know when to draw the line. i won't know when it's gotten to far....

* * * * *

Someone help! ..... i really don't know what am i doing....

pasta!

2007-09-02T19:44:00.000+08:00

Went to Kota Permai Club with the youth & young adults! :)

Ermz... Adelene, Amos, Caleb, Joshua, Jason, Joel, Justina, Lissa, Mark, Tracy, Odett, Olivia, Stanley.... i think that's all kua...
plus Uncle & Aunty Hwang and Uncle David!

supposely go to main badminton..keke, but i ended up using the gym instead.

*sigh* they're so strict now! super strict! there's so many rules to adhere to... in a way, it's good... haha, but super memafankan! =p

Malangnye... a towel got lost!! we took 13 towels and at the end of it all, only found 12. either misplaced it...or someone terambil it..
and you know what??? gotta pay RM30 for losing a towel!!!

*haiyoz... i hope they find it back..... ^^

* * * * *

Btw, was there from around 2pm to 5pm. And then when was about to drive home, saw mum's sms that my parents had brought my bro to KL to buy his suit.

NO!!!!! Ahhh... sad-ness. They left without me... my fault la, for not picking up my hp when they called....

so was stuck with no food!! no dinner!!!

*grins* so decided to play masak-masak in the kitchen!!! :)
And that was how dinner was "produced"....

I actually overestimate the serving size... so ended up with a huge plate of pasta!! haha, luckilly was super hungry cos i forgot to ate lunch!! =p

*grins* i actually was too free and counted the penne pieces one by one b4 cooking it. muahahahahaha, i ate exactly 100 pieces of penne!!!! :)

yah yah yah!!! so can u guess what are all the bahan-bahan made of??? ^^

The ANSWER:

1 tablespoon olive oil, a petal of garlic-sliced, 200g of organic tomato puree, 100g of pasta, and 4 soy balls! hahahaha, i forgot to add any sugar, salt, pepper & cheese!!!

LOLx. hahaha, yeap yeapz.. was apparently a "healthy" meal... ahha, so u can guess how it tasted like also la. =p

Btw, they're not back yet!!! AHHH!!! i can't believe they left me at home... they go KLIA makan some yummy-licious food at some nice restaurant & i gotta eat organic food!!! O.o

Joking! i SUKA organic food. :) haha. aiyoz... i'm just hyper la.. it's so lonely at home now... I'm not used to all the quiet-ness.... hahaha, ppl come back!!!!

* * * * *

P.s: haha, dun worrie, my house is not all stock up with organic stuffs.. =p

actually bought all those stuff for personal consumption... haha, LOLx. i dun think mum & dad even know it exist in the house...

dad's wedding suit!

2007-09-01T14:33:00.001+08:00

daddie gave me his wedding suit!! :) *grins*

ahha, yah.. it's the exact same outfit that he wore on his wedding day with mum!! 22 years ago.... *smirks*

so i ended up wearing a guy's wedding suit!! how... hmmz..WEIRD!!!

haha, but i think it's cool cos it's dad's one!! *grins* and now it's in my cupboard for safe-keeping! :)

WOahz... haha, didn't know that dad was so small size when he got married!!! hahaha. or maybe.. i'm too BIG. =p

I figured it's both. haha, dun think can fit mum's wedding dress.. >.<